Always and Forever Family

Grievance Hearing

2012-02-02T06:59:00.000-08:00

For those of you who prayed for our family yesterday THANK YOU! We felt them for sure as we attended a grievance hearing called by the girls Grandpa.

We attended the hearing. It was held in a conference room with 4 state workers and a mediator. One by one people went in to testify on behalf of Grandpa and his character.

Dave and I were able to go in together which we were grateful for. We were sworn in and asked a few questions. I added one thing for the record before we were done. And that was it. The hearing took 3 hours. We were first so that we could leave and get back to our little ones. They called later to tell us how the rest of the hearing went.

Now we wait for the report to be written and filed and they will mail the results to Grandpa.

Privacy and Prayers

2012-01-31T08:58:00.000-08:00

Over the past two weeks someone has been sick in our house. It started with M and the stomach bug we're praying it's ending with her current cold. I took her to the doc and got some prescriptions filled. While talking to the pharmacist dropping them off he started to read off Grandma's address. Um.. NO! WAIT! I don't want to hear that address and I also don't want her to be able to see our address when you update this file. So he kindly told me he could lock it so no one outside of our location could see it. Phew! Privacy saved!

Another thing we've run in to is legal dad asking the name of her school. It was just conversation and curiosity for him to ask. There was nothing wrong with the question. But it would tell him the city we live in. I took the phone to explain why she couldn't tell him.

With very common names, first and last, it's hard to pinpoint us in a search but with a few specific details I'm sure it would be easy.

We're not worried about any family member doing anything wrong or finding us, it's just privacy is the nature of being a foster parent it seems.

And that rolls in to my blog as well. I have really struggled with what to share. How much to share. I want to share it all because I know it helps others but I haven't blogged with any kind of anonymity before so it would be hard to start now. It's hard enough just using the girls initials instead of typing their names.

So with that being said... tomorrow is a very important day for our family. I can't share specifics until the results are in from the event tomorrow which we found out last night might take awhile to receive. So please be praying with us. For understanding and peace.

Bye Bye Baby

2012-01-29T20:09:00.000-08:00

Can not believe how big our baby girl has gotten.

Little over 2 months and she'll be 4 years old.

Do Not be Terrified

2012-01-27T12:43:00.000-08:00

A post with lots of God in it so skip it if it offends you.

Been battling with fear lately. My faith is being challenged. So I asked some friends for some Bible verses to stand on. My FIL gave me the best one. It is perfect for this time right now.

Joshua 1:9
Be strong & courageous; do not be terrified; for the Lord your God is with you where ever you go.

It is the "do not be terrified" that really jumped out at me. I read that and peace filled me. I know that God is in control of everything that is going on right now but my flesh is scared. I'm scared about what will happen next if we don't see the answer we expect to see soon. There is so much fear in me right now and that is not of God. I have to confront my fears and voice them, which I have been trying to do with those close to me, to be able to let them go. That's just who I am. I wish I were strong enough to just give them to God and let them go. I'm working on it.

I have to hold on to the end of this verse as well "the Lord your God is with you where ever you go." I have to hold on to my faith that the steps we are taking now are right where God wanted us. We might not understand it but it is what He wanted for our family right now. And that's good enough for me.

Below is the passage via the Message Bible. I just felt like I should include it. Maybe someone else is struggling and will get some strength and courage from this passage. I know I did.

Joshua 1

^1-9 After the death of Moses the servant of God, God spoke to Joshua, Moses' assistant: "Moses my servant is dead. Get going. Cross this Jordan River, you and all the people. Cross to the country I'm giving to the People of Israel. I'm giving you every square inch of the land you set your foot on—just as I promised Moses. From the wilderness and this Lebanon east to the Great River, the Euphrates River—all the Hittite country—and then west to the Great Sea. It's all yours. All your life, no one will be able to hold out against you. In the same way I was with Moses, I'll be with you. I won't give up on you; I won't leave you. Strength! Courage! You are going to lead this people to inherit the land that I promised to give their ancestors. Give it everything you have, heart and soul. Make sure you carry out The Revelation that Moses commanded you, every bit of it. Don't get off track, either left or right, so as to make sure you get to where you're going. And don't for a minute let this Book of The Revelation be out of mind. Ponder and meditate on it day and night, making sure you practice everything written in it. Then you'll get where you're going; then you'll succeed. Haven't I commanded you? Strength! Courage! Don't be timid; don't get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take."

I started a private blog. Private for a reason. I will continue blogging here this is just a separate blog. If I know you and you want an invite you can ask but I won't be inviting a bunch of people. New post over there

Organizing

2012-01-25T07:00:00.000-08:00

I've been trying to organize our house lately. Put together a book for M & L of all the paperwork. Lots of paperwork in only 3 months. I keep everything!

Toys were the next to work on. This is what we had. I loved it with just Isabel but with 3 kids it just wasn't working. You can maybe see that buckets are missing. They are also used as toys. I have a pic of Isabel and M carrying L in one of them.

So I saw this great bench at T@rget recently and after discussing it with Dave we agreed to get it. He basically just said whatever. The extra seating is a bonus since we only have a couch. Not that the bench is that cozy but the kids love sitting on it. Since I can't wait and have to put things together right away Isabel & L helped me put it together. Yes, that is helping. I gave them the styrofoam and let them have fun. Isabel showed L the joys of putting snow on mommy's head. Great fun!

And the lovely finished product. And so far it's helping clean up be so much easier. Everyone grabs a basket and fills it up.

And I already sold the old one on craigs list to help pay for the bench.

Life with 3

2012-01-23T12:38:00.000-08:00

There's so much going on right now. So many emotions but I just can't blog about it yet. Hope you all stick around and once this is all done I'll be able to share some posts with a bit more details.

The kids are all doing great.

M loves going to school and therapy. She's only been to an official therapy session twice and has the third one this weekend. But she loves going to play with Miss Linda. And last weekend was the first time she actually cried real tears about missing her bio mom with us. It's extremely hard to know how to help her when she is crying. We are very glad to see this progress in her. She has cried 2 more times through out the week. Our attachment, she and I, is always a work in progress. But it's much better then it was a month ago. And I see her actually wanting to spend time with me which is nice.

She is creative and so smart. She loves to help around the house and with the kids. I love having a helper around that I can ask to do something and know she'll do it. She is also very obedient for the most part.

L is a very on the go toddler who will be 2 next month. Her vocabulary is exploding. She is repeating so many things that all of us say. She is ready to potty train but I'm holding off on a potty training boot camp for now. But we still encourage her to use the potty when she wants to. Some days she uses it all the time and others not at all. She does wake from naps dry more often then not these days and was even dry through the night a couple times.

L is a cuddler. She loves to be held and would love me to just hold her all the time. She is also very smart, I can see it in her expressions. I can tell she understands so much more then people give her credit for. She has grown so much. She came home barely wearing 12 month clothes and now she's in 18 months and some 24 month pants. It's been amazing to see her change.

Isabel, it has been a joy to watch her become a sister. We've learned so much about her and are having to work on a few things with her (normal stuff) but she loves being a sister. She shares Dave and I very well now. She's also been pretty good about sharing all her toys. The special ones are in her room just like M & L and each girl is reminded occasionally not to touch the other ones special toys without asking. There is a lot of reminding but it works well. She has grown so much in 3 months. To see her imaginative play is so fun. And she's talking so much more and being more social.

Isabel is very loving. She cares so much about her sisters and doesn't like to see them hurt. She loves to be with them but also still needs and wants our one on one time.

Being a mom of 3 is tough but so worth it. I can go shopping with all 3 but choose not to because it is so much easier with just two. So I go while M is at school. Some days I'm too exhausted to get us out to do anything and Isabel has always been one who wants to go all the time so she misses that, and so do I. Dave and I miss having a tiny bit of time to ourselves but again, it is so worth it.

We have a bedtime routine down so that I can put them all down on nights while Dave is still at work. There for awhile I wanted to just let them run themselves until they passed out but I can't handle the noise if I did that. But they're good now.

Eating as a family of 5 is so much different. Not nearly as many leftovers and I actually have to plan more. Where most meals used to be just Isabel and I and I could just do whatever I found in the pantry I now have to have a weekly meal plan or we have to get creative. M & L have always eaten well. There are things they don't eat, like potatoes. They don't even really eat french fries. (Not complaining!) They all love broccoli. And they have helped Isabel learn to eat better as well. She's always been a good eater but is a bird when it comes to meals and would rather just peck all day then sit and eat a meal. We obviously don't let her peck all day but it can get tiring hearing her say she's hungry because she hasn't eaten enough at a meal. You'd think after a couple days of that she'd learn but she hasn't. Perhaps we're missing something.

Disciplining 3 is interesting. I feel like I have a learning curve with M since I've never parented a 6 year old. She lies but also has a very creative imagination so it's hard to know when she's just telling stories and when she's intending to lie. Found the proper consequence for telling a lie recently so we'll see if we can't help that. She is also obsessed with being a mom. At first she said when she was 13 she'd have a baby, now it's changed to 17. No worries, we are quick to correct her on that and make sure she knows that it should be husband then baby. This has also brought 'having a baby' in to her play which means in to Isabel's as well. Fun! The imaginative play is really interesting in our house.

L has started to talk back to me which Isabel never did. Isabel has an attitude but never talked back like L has just started doing. So I'm trying to catch that one quickly before it gets out of control. With L it seems like she'll start a negative behavior and then within a week to 10 days she'll add another one. She just keeps getting stronger willed and more stubborn. She keeps us on our toes for sure.

Isabel had a big problem with hitting and pushing when the girls first came home. It was really bad. She's better now but I've realized that she is very much like I was as a child. I would slap my friends arm in play and not realize I was hurting. I remember a friend telling me this when I was 10 or 12 years old. And I've come to realize that now Isabel often times (not all) hits but thinks she is playing. So I'm trying to teach her that we have to be gentle when we play. She doesn't realize she is so strong. And she's big. So many people have asked me lately if Isabel and M are twins. M is 4 inches taller and weighs about 5 lbs more then Isabel. Almost became a problem at church recently. I was checking in M and had Isabel & L with me and the lady insisted that Isabel stay in that room. I kept telling her she was only 3 but she thought I was referring to the number of children I had. Took her awhile to realize that I knew what I was talking about and needed to take my 3 year old to the 2 & 3 year old class.

If I don't do a load of laundry every day I fall behind. And I don't do a load every day so it feels like I'm always playing catch up. And it's always Dave and I's clothes that I do last for some reason. Trash! My goodness. If we don't empty the trash can every day it is over flowing. I had no idea 5 people could create that much trash.

I love life with 3. But it is exhausting.

Snow Day

2012-01-21T08:17:00.000-08:00

Friend of mine wrote and recorded a song with her kids. It's such a fun song. My kids loved watching it and wishing for snow up on the mountains.

Date Night

2012-01-19T09:53:00.000-08:00

Not with Dave (dare to dream!) with Isabel. It's hard finding quality time with each of the girls. L doesn't need it quite as much as the older two. Isabel was really needing some one on one time so Wed night I took just Isabel out for a while. Told her it was a Mommy and daughter date. And where else would we go but to Target. We had dinner at the little cafe, so cheap and she loves it. Let her get an icee and then we took pictures of her tongue to show her it was red just like her icee.

We did a little shopping, her favorite spot is the aisles of cards. She loves to find the ones that make music. We found the heater we were there to purchase and then we made it to the clothes and hats. She has always loves trying on hats. And she looks so cute!

Before leaving we picked up a treat to bring home to the girls.

This morning when she woke up she didn't want me to leave her side. Good thing she wakes an hour before the other two. We got some snuggle time in early this morning.

I told Isabel next would be a daddy daughter date. And we'll each do the same with M. I think I'll take her out to get Valentines for her class.

Prayer request: Important date coming up of February 1st. Please be praying for God to move mountains and allow others to see what we see.

Isabel's Heart

2012-01-18T07:00:00.000-08:00

While we were in the process to be licensed I remember people asking us about how we thought Isabel would handle us fostering. I often shared that we felt that if God was calling Dave and I to this that He was also calling Isabel to this and would take care of her heart and give us the ability to help her through anything that came our way as a family. I also remember feeling like a bit of an idiot for thinking that it could really happen like that but we had faith and stepped out of our comfort zones and here we are nearly 3 months in to fostering our girls.
Tuesday night during dinner, just me and the girls Dave was at work, M started talking about something that Dave's mom and she talked about in the back of the van, Heaven. This quickly brought her to tears as she started missing her biological mom (died in 2010). Tears flowed and as she tried to tell me how much she wanted her mom to come down from Heaven to be with her. I explained the best I could to a 6 year old that this is not how it happens and tried to comfort her. As she was crying Little L looked at her with concern and Isabel asked what was wrong. I told Isabel that M was missing her other mommy. Isabel then said; "I want my sisters to go live with Papa." While some would rightly think this is just due to her being an only child for 3 1/2 years I can't help but remember our step of faith and belief in knowing that what God called us to He also called Isabel too. That He is preparing our little girls heart for her sisters to leave.

My Response

2012-01-17T11:56:00.000-08:00

I've enjoyed reading the comments on the post below. I've given this some thought and wrote and rewrote what I wanted to say.

Adoption is a very personal choice. Someone mentioned talking with their family prior to adoption. We talked with our parents prior to making the decision to be open to race, but only our parents. If they had real concerns we would have listened to them, but since they had none I can't tell you what we would have done had we faced that. But as others mentioned it's our choice (Dave and I's) what we do. And if someone has a problem with it then that is their problem not ours. It's our job now to protect our children and raise them to be confident in who they are.

I guess to truly respond I have to be willing to admit that my family did struggle. But it's really hard to know where the struggle came from. My mom was always quick to point out that Isabel was adopted. It wasn't in a proud way it was as if she didn't want to have to explain anything. That is the type of person my mom is. I think she's had to explain our family and our choices (first to become a Christian, become a pastor's wife, missionary, etc.) throughout the years and she just wants to set it straight before questions come.
She did struggle with adoption I believe, I think Dave's mom did as well before we adopted. They want to look out for us because we are their kids. They don't want us hurt and all they hear are the horror stories. But I bet now when they hear someone talking about adoption they are quick to speak up and talk about us and our experience. They felt the same when we told them we were going to foster, hesitant out of concern but supportive. All weekend long Dave's mom told us over and over again how proud they are of us. We don't need to hear that, we're just doing what we're supposed to do, but it was nice to hear.

My mom wasn't thrilled with the idea of us fostering when I first told her but that was 3 years ago and she has amazed me at her acceptance of our foster girls. Brings tears to my eyes as I type. She took the time to make each of them a Christmas nightgown and M wants to wear it every night. She has accepted them as family. I'm guessing that the 3 1/2 years of being a grandma through adoption has helped her heart grow and change and she doesn't even know it.

Every family has problems with accepting things some times. If adopting a child is something you want to do your family will come around because they are your family. If you adopt a child of another race they will quickly realize that a child is a child no matter the color of their skin.

I think this picture from the weekend shows you how well Dave's mom has accepted our children. When we first brought up the topic of adopting a child of another race to his parents she was very quick to tell us that God had been dealing with her about racism in her heart that she didn't even know was there.

Question of Race, Adopting and Family

2012-01-16T20:01:00.000-08:00

Anna asked:

I am just wondering, and please feel free to not answer if it is too personal of a question, did your parents/Dave's parents have trouble accepting you were adopting a child of another race/color. I was just thinking about it and I know my family would really struggle with it if we were to go down that path. So, I was wondering if anyone else had trouble getting family to accept it and really accept the children as family the way they would a white child or a child biologically related to us. I know this sounds awful but just was thinking about my own family.

Coincidence that she asked this of me on Martin Luther King Jr Day. And since I just had a very busy weekend and I'm too exhausted to put together a post in response at the moment I thought I'd open this up to you, my loyal readers. Whether you comment anonymously or openly I'd love to hear your responses to Anna's comment & question.

Let us all hope that the dark clouds of racial prejudice will soon pass away, and that in some not too distant tomorrow the radiant stars of love and brotherhood will shine over our great nation with all their scintillating beauty.
~Martin Luther King, Jr., Letter from Birmingham Jail

Weekend on the Coast

2012-01-16T08:52:00.000-08:00

Dave's parents came in town this weekend.We decided to stay on the coast one night so we drove down the PCH for a bit and stopped near Laguna Beach.

M & L LOVE the ocean.

Getting ready to explore a cave. In this cave Grandma fell and I had a bird poop on me. Fun memories. But we got a great picture of me and the 3 girls inside it.

See the seals!

Back at home playing Uno Moo!!

Picnic lunch and more exploring before heading back to the airport.

2012-01-11T06:30:00.000-08:00

4 years ago the thought of being a mom was still just a dream.
Sunday I sat in church with 3 wrist bands on my arm for the 3 children I would be picking up after the service. It's amazing what a few years and an open heart will do to a family.

Whip My Hair

2012-01-10T17:59:00.000-08:00

This song is heard often in our house these days.They were watching the video as I took these pictures.

That is M's hair you see on the right. I did manage to get one of the 3 of them together. Very cute.

Birthdays

2012-01-09T12:48:00.000-08:00

I've been giving a lot of thought to birthdays lately. Two of my friends back in TX had two very special birthday this past weekend. Two very special little boys, one a foster son who has been with them for only a few months and will likely be going home soon. And the other a son adopted via foster care, his first big family party.

The love behind both of these boys parties and the desire to show them what it means to be in a family and be loved by many is beautiful to see.

Little L's birthday is next month. I have struggled with what to do since they could be moved any day. But instead of worrying about that I've decided to just plan as if she'll be here. When it gets closer I'll send out 'save the date' invites for friends who all know what is going on and that the party could be cancelled at any moment. Part of me hopes she'll be here so I can give her a party but most of me hopes that this mess gets cleaned up and we can be invited to the party at her grandparents house.

I've heard so many friends tell me that their foster/adopt child didn't get a party at their previous foster home. One friend told me her son was offered a cake or $10 for his birthday. It breaks my heart to think that some people just don't celebrate their foster child's birthday because of that label 'foster.' While these girls are in our house they are my daughters. And that's how I introduce them. When asked if they are all mine I confidently say YES. Because they are, as long or as short as God has them in our home.

So I'm in pre-planning mode for a ladybug second birthday! And I have to say having a ladybug birthday party just after Valentines Day is going to be very nice. Lots of red stuff on sale and since I won't buy too much until it's close I'll be saving money!!

One of the first things M told us when they came home was that their mom called them both 'ladybugs.' I got a ladybug ornament with their names on it for our tree and I got ladybug charms for my charm bracelet. These girls will always be our ladybugs so a ladybug party is the perfect party for our sweet little one.

Attachment with L

2012-01-04T09:38:00.001-08:00

Attachment is very much a two way thing with a child. They have to attach to me and I to them. It's not always easy and I am guessing that it makes it harder on me (or any adult) when you don't know if it will be a permanent placement. Dave and I have discussed so many times how important it is that we establish a good bond and attachment with our girls or any foster child. Even if we know they are only going to be with us for a short time it is a very healthy thing for us to promote attachment. If they can attach to us then they'll have an easier time attaching to the next person.

It's so much easier with L because she's little and she needs me. But I don't think until recently with the fear coming out at the park that she was fully attached to me. Now I'm the only person she wants. And she doesn't want me to have anyone else. Which makes everything interesting. Luckily Isabel has gotten used to the fact that she's not the center of attention all the time anymore. She doesn't have that need to be the center of attention like some kids so for her it was just learning that she was no longer an only child and had to share us. Not sure when it happened but she's good.

Now on to L and attachment. Kind of random and scattered so hope it makes sense.
For the first month or so she wouldn't make eye contact with me unless necessary (to get food mainly). She also wouldn't let me hold her sippy cup when rocking her. She would push my hand away. I kept trying because I knew it was important. Now she'll let me have my hand on it but never lets go herself. I'm good with that. She's very independent so I don't expect her to let me do it.

When I would tell her 'no' in the beginning she would scrunch up her eyes, smile and try to look all cute. It quickly became apparent that this is what she did at home and she would get away with whatever it was. Took some time and consistent discipline but she doesn't do that as often now. She will close her eyes and look away after a timeout when I talk with her. She doesn't like timeout which is why it works very well with her. She doesn't like seeing me upset with her. Consistent discipline is working well with her.

At first I carried her in a sling, she's a tiny bit so it was easy. She loved it and will still ask to be in it if she sees the sling.

As much as I knew I needed to help her with certain things to help establish attachment she is a feisty toddler who wants to do it her way or no way. I never tried to feed her unless she asked. You don't get in the way of this child and food, it would only slow her down. Her Grandpa and family were kind of amazed that she could eat so well with a fork. They were also amazed at how much heavier she got between visits. She's gained 4lbs since she's been home with us.

Nap and bedtime she wanted us to hold her and rock her to sleep which we did willingly at first. M told us what Grandma would sing to her and I began singing that to her at nap or bedtime, still do. She wouldn't really cuddle in to us, she'd stay stiff at first. As she got drowsy she would relax. Now, 2 1/2 months later, she cuddles in to us and loves to be held. Nap and bedtime are a challenge still because she wants to be rocked and held but we can not continue that habit of course. We rock a little and then tuck her in. We just went through about 10 days of battle when it comes to sleep. She'd continue getting out of bed and we'd continue putting her back in bed, felt a bit like a Super Nanny episode. Now I'll tell her what I expect of her and what will happen if she gets out of bed (timeout because it works!) and she's doing better. Not all the way there, as last night was a huge battle, but better. And it's hard with sleep because I know she's had loss and sometimes we can hear panic in her cry when we put her in her bed. Those are the times we scoop her back up regardless of what is going on. There is less and less of that now. Last night however reached the panic cry and I held her tight for awhile singing to her and making sure she was okay before laying her down again and she was able to fall asleep in her bed on her own.

She's very attached to a doll that the respite foster mom got her. She received another doll that is the same size but recently started pushing that one away at bedtime which means occasionally I'm searching the house for the right doll. FUN! And I must add buying the exact doll to my shopping list because if it ever goes missing.... DRAMA! And she's attached to a blanket that my mom actually knitted for Isabel when she was a baby. I used it with L one night and it stayed with her. Now it's her 'cubby' and she doesn't want any other one. And yes, if she moves out of our house it will go with her.

She was throwing a tantrum because I wouldn't pick her up. For her safety I put her in her bed. After some time I put my hand on her head and started singing "Jesus Loves Me" to her. She stopped crying immediately and wouldn't take her eyes off mine. I'd finally found a way to get eye contact. This was about a month ago. I have since added "Jesus Loves Me" to the bedtime routine to encourage eye contact. Sometimes she'll scrunch up her eyes and smile at me when I sing it. Other times she'll just look at me and others she'll drift off to sleep. Finding what works with your foster or adopted child is the key I think. I sing this same song to her now often.

Recently I took only L out shopping with me. It was such a different shopping experience. We got in the car and she started looking around for Belle and calling her name (M was in school). She didn't know why she wasn't with us. But I think she loved it. She was singing in the car the whole way and no one was interrupting her or talking over her. When we got to the store and it was just us she had my complete attention. Not sure why she had her special dolly with her but she did and during the trip (she was in the cart) she handed the dolly to me to cuddle. I cuddled the dolly and handed her back and the game continued. Both L & M are very protective of what is theirs so the fact that this doll is so precious and special to her and she was letting me cuddle it spoke volumes of where this little one is with me.

Attachment with M is a whole different kind of journey.

Fear

2012-01-02T07:00:00.000-08:00

Little L is basically fearless. This has caused a few minor injuries (nothing hospital worthy).
The park is often fun because she'll follow the big girls up and with the openings at the top of the equipment sometimes being 5' high it's a work out on my nerves.

But recently at the park, the day after our last visit, she showed fear. She stood at the top of the slide she'd just gone down 2-3 times all on her own and she cried frozen in place. M was on top of the slide so I had her help her down and then she continued to do the same. Climb up freeze and cry and eventually she added calling out for me. After about the third time I realized what was going on and as I scooped her up and held her tight I tried not to allow the tears in my eyes to fall. She was safe and secure in the knowledge that I would be there and she could call to me and I'd come.

This is huge.

Christmas Christmas Christmas

2011-12-29T08:04:00.000-08:00

Some pics from the last few days before Christmas, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Took me forever to get these loaded. Blogger is not cooperating.

The girls each added a couple of ornaments to the tree. We kept most of the breakable ornaments high or in the closet this year. Had two broken ornaments but the 25th, one trashed the other just lost it's toes but it's still tree worthy. All in all with our adventurous toddler we did good with our tree.

The cupcakes I tried to make for the storytime at church. Then they told me to bring cookies so all my planning failed.

They turned out pretty cute and the girls loved them.

Christmas day over at the girls Papa's house. They gave the girls, including Isabel, a couple of gifts. This is the doll that they gave Isabel and she loves her.

Running around in their backyard. L got a ladybug costume and she's adorable in it! They are in their matching Christmas dresses.

Christmas morning, Belle was up before everyone else of course. Very excited about Christmas morning. These are their matching pjs.

While she waited for everyone to wake up (not so quietly) she played in her new castle. She loves it. Perfect gift for a Princess.

Finally opening gifts, she was so excited to get a Strawberry Shortcake doll.

The expression is simply because I made her stop playing and take a picture. This was my gift to her. A 2' tall Barbie house. She had a very Barbie Christmas this year with lots of family giving her dolls and accessories as well. She and M will play with this house for a very long time together.

Oh so fun to watch her with this! She quickly found the demo songs and would pretend to play and dance around at the same time. Trying to catch her on video.

L handing out toys on Christmas Eve to some children.

M doing the same.

And Isabel at our last stop where we got to shield the girls from watching a goat being slaughtered. A sound I won't soon forget.

They were all covered in dust and Isabel decided to add to it. She was having so much fun just sitting there playing.

Dave's mom made the girls matching tutus.

The tray M colored to leave out cookies for Santa.

Christmas Eve (cropped the girls out) opening their matching pjs.

The Day After

2011-12-26T12:52:00.001-08:00

We had a wonderful Christmas. I hope all of you did as well. For now, I'll just post this picture of my sleeping angel in her new pink Princess castle tent. She wanted to nap in it today. She told me this morning that she is so glad it's pink because that's what a Princess is supposed to have. And she correctly told me that I'm the queen and she's the Princess, didn't realize she knew that was how it worked.

Isabel's Gift

2011-12-24T06:55:00.000-08:00

Now that Isabel's first mom, M, has received the box of goodies I can share what Isabel sent her for Christmas. We walked through Michaels and found a few things and she picked this one. She painted it and helped me pin the pictures on. I added her name with scrabble letters (purchased at Michaels). I love how it turned out.

Christmas Break

2011-12-23T06:55:00.000-08:00

It's been fun having M home for Christmas break. Watching her and Isabel play together everyday is so much fun. And Little L sticks with me most of the time asking for my attention while she can have it.
Not having to great ready in the morning and worry about hair has been a very nice break. I declared Monday pj day, the girls had a different idea and put on their Princess outfits and Christmas sock. (please excuse the knees very much in need of lotion)

Before bed this week the girls put on a puppet show for L.

Santa 2011

2011-12-21T08:45:00.000-08:00

Breakfast with Santa & story time. Story time and Christmas party at church. All the kids received a gift from their wish list. Wonderful event.
Christmas party with friends from our foster/adopt classes.
Church festival while visiting the girls Grandpa.
Santa picture was with the girls so I can't share. But this one of L is adorable from the event. We went to a Christmas party hosted by a local foster support group.

Merry Christmas

2011-12-20T08:02:00.000-08:00

The outside of our Christmas cards this year. Just wish you could see their beautiful smiles!

24 Days of Christmas - Update

2011-12-19T19:56:00.000-08:00

We've been enjoying our 24 days of Christmas fun. Sunday was the last 'event' that we did for our 24 days and also the last time we got to see Santa this year. I think we saw him 6 times this year, crazy. These are some of the things we did this month.

Old Memories

2011-12-18T09:17:00.000-08:00

It's been fun pulling out some of my favorite outfits of Isabel with L. The tops are 2T's. Pulled Isabel's 2T winter stuff out to see if any of it would fit L yet. L is growing like a weed since she's been home with us. In 2 months she's gained 4lbs and grown 1".

2011-12-17T21:13:00.000-08:00

Open Adoption & Holidays

2011-12-15T12:27:00.000-08:00

I haven't done one of these in awhile but thought I'd join in. A writing prompt for open adoption bloggers HERE asks;

This time we are going to focus in on one specific memory and record another small moment in the ongoing stories of adoption in our lives. Share a holiday memory that involves open adoption.

Isabel's first Christmas we were able to go to her biological Great Grandma's house and celebrate her first Christmas with all the family there a couple days after Christmas. But now that we live so far we sadly can't do that. Last year on Christmas morning as Isabel opened her big gift from her birth mom and bio Great Grandma we skyped with them so they could see her open it. They had given it to her and we loved being able to share a live reaction of the gift. I hope we're able to do that again this year with everyone (we did the same with our parents). Holidays are hard when you're missing the ones you love and skyping is just a small way we can keep us connected.

Prayers Needed

2011-12-14T14:03:00.000-08:00

Need some prayer warriors right now. Got an update on the case today and we do not like what we heard at all so please be praying with us.
That's about all I can share publicly.

Cupcake Vote

2011-12-12T13:27:00.001-08:00

Our church is having a Christmas party at their story time this month for the kids and I'm making cupcakes. And I want to make them real fun for the kids. But I can't decide which one I want to make. I'd love to try out each one this week and see which is easiest and turns out the best but I'm not sure I'll have time. So I thought I'd put it to a vote from my faithful readers.

Here are my top 4 choices:

I wouldn't add the present but maybe a hershey kiss.

I could do so much with this one I think, yet they are so simple.

This one is my favorite! I love it.

And I love this one too because it's not covered in sugary icing.

And these were another 4 I liked but didn't make the cut.

Busy doing Christmas

2011-12-11T07:42:00.000-08:00

Just doing the Christmas thing around here. These are some of our 24 days of Christmas activities we've been doing.

Day 10

Day 5

Day 6

Grief

2011-12-06T20:24:00.000-08:00

This time of year always makes me miss my dad a bit more. Especially the closer it gets to his birthday, Dec 20th he would have been 64. Today was a tough day missing him for some reason. In the store I saw one of our regular Christmas treats, summer sausage.
So this afternoon I was thinking about my dad when I picked up M from school. And today she had a small emotional meltdown because she said she was missing her mom who died last year.
God had a plan when he placed this girl in my home. It's one thing that I believe can help our bond when I let her know that I miss my daddy too. And that it's okay to miss her mom and cry when she needs to. She doesn't like seeing emotion but I think that us allowing her to grieve her mom is healthy for her.

December Fun

2011-12-05T08:57:00.000-08:00

This one is so precious I had to cover their faces to show you. If you could see M's face as well you'd see how much fun these girls are having together. Although if you could see L's face you'd see a bit of terror because she's being pulled a bit too much but she loves it. And she's a tough girl.
Running with Daddy. We took some pictures of the girls in matching shirts. They turned out really cute.
They pushed her so hard she nearly fell off.
Breakfast and story time with Santa.
She loves being able to wear her boots finally.

1st Grade

2011-12-02T05:58:00.000-08:00

Well after almost one full week of school it's very obvious in our home that M prefers Dave to me. With me she doesn't know what she's doing when it comes to her homework, from the start. With Dave she'll sit right down and do it with no problem.

Example:
The sentence is We ran to the gate. With me she would have to sound out every word but maybe to the with Dave she sat right down and read it even gate with the silent e.

So since Dave's only home one night out of the week early enough to do home work it's been very interesting. But at least now I've seen what she can really do so I know I'm really not pushing her too hard. She is very smart. But I did help her figure out the best way to do her subtraction problems so I'm cool with math.

With 1st grade comes the bullies and the friends. The first day she came home saying that some 7 year old was telling her that she couldn't boss him because he was the boss. Not surprised by that incident at all since she loves to boss. But it brought her to tears. Day 2 was better, day 3 she fell and hurt her lip and also thought Dave had forgotten her since she couldn't find him at pick up. She was waiting in the wrong spot and didn't do that again on day 4. Day 4 brought an invite to go to a friends house. Oh and day 2 also brought home the first fundraiser. And details about the ~~Christmas~~ um... Holiday party.

So now I have to figure out what is okay with regards to her going to a friends house with regards to our fostering. And I almost told her legal dad the name of her school which would tell him where we live which is a no no. Hadn't even considered that before.

Update on case: Court hearing on Dec 8th. I'll share more details as it gets closer but we all need lots of prayers for God to intervene and do what truly is right for the girls right now.

24 Days of Christmas

2011-11-28T22:04:00.001-08:00

I don't have them all prepared yet but I have most of them. Just put them out for the picture. Little L loves to open gifts so I might have to put them up each day, we'll wait and see. She's tried to open a small present, the size of a hershey kiss, on a decoration too many times to count already.

But here it is, my 24 Days of Christmas count down for the girls. Some of them are things I picked up at the dollar spot. The envelopes and the icing container are things we are going to do. Like a lights parade or breakfast with Santa. I have dates on those so the girls won't be able to pick those. Otherwise every day after school or in the morning depending if it's a weekend event one girl will pick a package or envelope. I have 3 ornaments that I'll place their pictures in and whomever is hanging on the wall it's their turn to pick the package for the day. Whatever it takes to eliminate the "It's my turn!" whines.

Some of what's inside. I love the window clings. It's going to be real hard for me to not tell the girls what to pick so I can enjoy them doing the ones I really want to do.
It was also pretty hard to find things that I thought L could do but M wouldn't be totally bored. I also included a Christmas chapter book to read with the girls over a few nights.

Here's a fun one I'm going to do since we don't get snow here. LINK But I'm going to try it with garbage bags and packing peanuts instead of boxes. So it can snow and then we can really make the snow man. Haha! That one is going to be a big mess but so much fun.
And this is another one. I'll wrap a Christmas coloring book and make the crayons with the girls. LINK
Some of these things I got last year at the after Christmas sales. And yes I bought 3 hoping that we would have foster children with us this Christmas. So I didn't have to add too many items this year.

Driving

2011-11-26T18:40:00.000-08:00

In a month we've traveled about 950 miles on 6 visits and the pick up trip. 4 of these trips I've done on my own. All the trip with 3 girls in the van together. While the van is not the best and needs some repairs I'm very grateful that we have it because doing these trips in our small sedan would be so much worse.
We're exhausted from all this driving and thrilled to currently have no visits planned this week. We'll see if we still have no visits after the week starts. They like to change our plans last minute.

Apple Orchards

2011-11-21T19:47:00.000-08:00

Tried desperately to get a picture of the girls with their apple shirts but it just didn't work. So we'll just have to try again.
I tried to get Isabel to pose with her foot up on the tree and her arms crossed....
The girls loved the really big leaves and were pretending to fly with them.

3 Stand Twist Out

2011-11-14T20:19:00.000-08:00

Tried a new style on M this week. Didn't turn out like I had hoped but I'm learning a new texture and trying to improve my braiding skills.
Loved how the twists looked, I might try just the twists (smaller and more) as a style on Isabel soon and see how it looks.

After the twist out and combing.
MORE

M's Birthday

2011-11-09T10:00:00.000-08:00

Saturday was M's birthday. She's 6 years old now. We had planned to take her to the San Diego Zoo but there was a threat of rain so we delayed that and made alternate plans.

Friday afternoon Isabel, M and I picked up my friend Nicole and her daughter K and took the girls to a Princess party at a local community center. It was so much fun seeing our girls in their princess dresses going to the party. Almost like getting them ready for the prom. I only wished I'd thought to paint their nails. I did spray them with perfume and let them each wear a necklace of mine.

Walking in together; K, Isabel & M.

As they walked the red carpet through the lights they all waited to get a picture with Jasmine.

They had cookies and juice, colored and did a craft. They also play "hot tiger."
The girls really missed L but it was fun just being the older girls. When we got home we headed out for a quick dinner and ice cream.
Saturday during nap time I set up the dining room for a little family party.

I let M pick a cake or told her we'd make cupcakes. She picked the Hello Kitty cake.
Our family really spoiled our girl. Lots of fun toys for her on her special day.

Family and friends have also been sending welcome gifts for the girls. It's been like Christmas here. The towels have their names on them. They love having towels that belong to them. Plus, no fighting over the favored towel.
The shirts have their initials on them and hopefully we'll get to pick some apples in them.

HAIR!!

2011-11-08T21:14:00.000-08:00

3 heads of hair is exhausting.

Sunday morning the curls went to church in their curls. And right now poor little L's hair is still in a fro. She's become sensitive and cries when I try to do her hair. She's excited to sit but once I touch her hair she cries. I've never had that problem and after doing the other two beautiful curly girls I just can't do it. I have to get in a routine of only doing one girl at a time and not two at the same time. Isabel and M like to have the same hair and willingly sit one after the other but it's exhausting. I do love for them to match.

Anyone out their with more then one head of hair they style have any routine tips for me? Also I need some serious help with my braiding. I was getting worse with Isabel's hair but now it's more obvious especially in little L.

Visit Advice?

2011-11-04T13:24:00.001-07:00

We have our first visit scheduled for Monday morning with the girls Grandma. I have printed some pictures for the girls to take and share with her. I plan on having a bag to leave at the visit. Should I include toys? I don't want things left behind. Due to the time I'll pack a snack as well.

Any tips and or advice? It's a two hour visit and they have seen Grandma since their short visit with her two weeks ago.

Harvest Festival & Stories

2011-10-29T22:15:00.000-07:00

It was an interesting day starting off with a dead battery and having to take all 3 girls with me while I went to walmart (where it was purchased) to have them charge it up. Takes two hours to charge a battery. And it was nap time for Isabel and L. FUN!
So they all napped in the car on the way to the Harvest Festival which explains the expression on Isabel's face since she had just woken up. But she looks so pretty I had to share.

After bouncing for a bit they made pumpkins with lots and lots of glitter. Glitter is great when it's not in my house. Then we went home and built a campfire and had hot dogs and marshmallows. The girls all had a great time. Best non descriptive face I got.

I love matching Isabel and M. I think it just strengthens their bond so much when they look alike.
Oh and a cute race story. M was asking my one of a million questions so I started asking her crazy questions. Why is the sky blue, trees green, etc. She then asked (we were in a parking lot) why all the cars were different colors. I said because if they were all the same color it would be boring. We were holding hands walking to the car so I said, just like us, swinging out hands, we're different colors and it's beautiful because we're not boring. She said yeah but she's the same color as her sister. I told her that yes she is, they are each a beautiful shade of brown and daddy and I are just pale white. She said, "Yeah, you're boring!" We got a good laugh with that one.

The fact that we are white and she has grown up in her bio family hasn't seemed to bother her one bit. I imagine having Isabel helped make it no big deal but I don't know that for sure.

Oh and I had a guy (he was checking us in to charge the battery) tell me that L looks like me. I know he was just trying to figure us out and wanted to validate that they look like me, which I do not need, so it was sweet. Her face is very light skinned and her eyes are beautiful and change colors in the sun light. They say they are hazel (which mine are) but they seem more golden brown. Either way they are beautiful. So I can see how people will think she is biologically mine sometimes.

1st Grader

2011-10-28T05:00:00.000-07:00

Whoa! I'm the mom of a first grader. I can't tell you how weird that is to me. We have no experience with school. Our experience registering her was interesting to say the least. They didn't even ask for any kind of id from us. Of course we had official paperwork from the state so maybe they thought we were okay. Just seemed weird, but then I guess I'm used to finger prints and background checks so school is apparently a piece of cake compared to all that.

They weren't even going to introduce us to the teacher or show us her room until I asked. And I had no clue that they have a very long fall break here. Today is their last day until November 28th. I confirmed about 3 times that I'd heard that right and looked at the calendar. Interesting. So we met her teacher and M seems excited about it. Her teacher gave me some things to work with her at home.

As soon as the girls got out of the car they held hands. M was worried she was being dropped off and Isabel was worried we were leaving her sister at school. The relationship these two are growing makes all the hard stuff seem less important.

2011-10-27T16:07:00.000-07:00

Our 20 month old has some serious hair!

4 Years of Pumpkin Hat

2011-10-26T23:20:00.000-07:00

Day by Day

2011-10-25T12:20:00.000-07:00

We're taking it all day by day. Spending the morning at the park with my friend who has 3 under 4 was a tremendous blessing. They all held hands as we were walking back to the car. Please be praying about school for M. She was in tears last night at the mention of going to school here and while I have my opinion on what's behind it all she said was that it was all day long at moms. She would only be in half day kinder here. Plan on going by this week to get her registered. Would like her to start well before the holidays so she can enjoy the holidays at school but also be in the routine before being out for the holidays.

Shutterfly Giveaway Results

2011-10-24T20:49:00.000-07:00

#12 Shutterfly Addict

#9 Bri

#8 Rachel

Emailing you all with the code for 25 free cards

3 Heads

2011-10-23T09:43:00.000-07:00

3 heads of curls washed, detangled, parted into 4 sections and braided. All in less then an hour.

From left to right: L - Isabel - M

L's curls are so small and so soft. M's curls are bigger and coarser. Did them all the same, quick and easy.

2011-10-22T07:38:00.001-07:00

The girls are doing great together. Isabel prefers the older on to the little one. She does understand that I need to hold L a lot and is fine with it. L is afraid of Dave at the moment so we don't have to deal with that jealousy right now.

Really the girls are doing great right now. M is talking a lot and telling us lots about their past. I can already tell they were yelled at a lot and not always because they were bad. So we're making sure they get love and appropriate discipline at the moment.

We have suddenly realized why so many say not to adopt out of birth order. The kids are great, it's us (Dave and I) that are struggling with that aspect. Not much time to explain right now but this will remind me to blog about it when we get in a routine and I have time to really post.

Lots of extra prayers appreciate this week. Dave will be working insane hours while he finishes his 2012 budget. He had Thurs & Fri off which put him behind. So we're basically not going to see him until next weekend. I'm just hoping I'm still able to catch a shower every day at this point.

M is dealing with a stuffy nose, I'm guessing allergies which Isabel and I are struggling with this month as well. But I can't give her anything without a doctor's note so we might be calling a doc on Monday but they aren't even on Medical yet so we'll see what happens.

Home

2011-10-20T21:37:00.001-07:00

To say the day went well is an understatement. Until it came around to bedtime. We're going to have to figure out what works with our girls.

More later, we're exhausted. But we are all home safe and I think all the little ones are asleep now.

Ready

2011-10-19T21:07:00.000-07:00

Went out tonight with Isabel and found a doll for each of the girls and matching pjs.
My desire is to make sure they feel like we want them here. Like they belong. Their picture is up and I'll print some of the first pictures we get as soon as I can and get them in frames as well. I want them to see themselves in our home.
I put up a sign on their door that says "Welcome Home M & L." I'm going to have Belle make something for them tomorrow to also add to the sign.
L's bed. A friend loaned us a bed rail but it's for a twin so we'll see if it will work. She won't be able to get out of the bed with it on. (It's not on in the picture)
Not much selection of brown dolls in our neighborhood. I checked two walmarts and 2 targets and finally settled on this one. Had never seen a Cabbage patch like this one before. It's cute!
Iridesa from Tinkebell and a color your own bag for M. Isabel's pjs's match M's.
We plan on ordering pizza on the way home with the girls. It's a 90 minute drive. I'm worried about that and then laugh at myself when I think of my friends who flew from Russia, China or Korea with their little ones. And then we'll make cookies together after dinner. Any tips on first night for bedtime? I don't plan on doing bath time. I was thinking we'd pile blankets and pillows on the floor and watch a movie together and then carry them to bed one at a time. Hehe!

We are both so mixed up with emotions. We're excited and nervous about bringing the girls home. We're also both sad about these being our last days with just Isabel.
As I set the pjs on the girls beds tonight I knew that tomorrow they'd be here. They'd be sleeping in those beds (hopefully). Tomorrow I will be a mom of 3. Wish me luck.

Ethnicity?

2011-10-19T20:17:00.000-07:00

Someone privately asked me the ethnicity of the girls. They were worried or just wondering if the girls were Caucasian how that would make Isabel feel. I thought I'd share a bit of our decision making process on that.

This was a very big topic during our licensing process for Dave and I. I knew what I felt was right for Isabel and our family and that was to limit race this time around. Because if we adopt siblings they already have that going for them. And then if they look like us at least in skin tone that really leaves Isabel out on the side when people would look at our family.

But I also knew that we would have a hard time limiting race because we felt that it was like saying no to a child and just felt selfish.

So we talked with our SW about it when we had our home study and basically told her what I just wrote. She completely understood and basically told us not to worry about it. She said that there are less then a hand full of families at a time that are open to full African American children. She wasn't saying we would adopt a black child she was just saying since we're open to race she didn't see it as a problem to just leave it wide open. So we did and we trusted God to place the children in our home that needed us and we them.

Our oldest, M, is full African American. The youngest, L, is biracial. My assumption is AA & Caucasian but I don't know.

Our girls will all have a different skin tone.

Pumpkin Patch

2011-10-19T07:00:00.000-07:00

We went to two pumpkin patches this weekend. First one with Daddy. It really was a bit too warm for the long sleeves but the weather couldn't keep me from putting my girl in her pumpkin patch shirt and matching headband. Plus it was late in the afternoon so the sun was going to go down. Next year I'll be sure to find short sleeve pumpkin patch shirts.

Next one she was a little more appropriately dressed for a SoCal pumpkin patch. She's really been wanting her hair to just be in curls lately which is challenging on car rides but she loves it and I just bring the hair stuff with me to fluff up with the car seat does to the back of her hair.

Being silly with r friend Winni.

Don't forget to enter the Shutterfly giveaway HERE.

The Details

2011-10-18T13:19:00.000-07:00

The girls just barely entered care. They are in a respite home right now which is why they are moving in with us so quickly. They do not want them to form an attachment to that family, which as of yesterday it appears they have not. Which in the moment I heard it I knew that I needed to focus on attachment right away because it's so important. So tips welcomed! I'm reading up on attachment now. Have two great blogs that have blogged about attachment, thanks for that ladies.

We got the call on Thursday last week, 10/13. We talked for about 45 minutes about everything. They seem to be healthy and happy girls that were living in a less then ideal situation. M (the almost 6 year old) has already missed a lot of school which is what prompted CPS to get involved.

There is basically no parental rights to terminate. They'll have to try and locate one of the fathers but he hasn't been in contact in years.

The girls were living with their Grandma. This is where it gets hard to know what to share and what not to share because I know an explanation needs to follow that statement because most people think of Grandma's as loving caring people. I'm positive she loves the girls she just isn't in a position to care for them.
At this point we're told Grandma is so mad she's not taking calls from the case workers so there won't be any visits right now either. But I'm honestly hoping she calms down because there is a lot of history that we will be missing and I'd love to at least meet Grandma to get that information. But I don't know if that will ever happen. Of course there are no guarantees and we are only hearing CPS' side of the story and I understand that.
We have not met the girls yet so I don't know how they feel about being away from Grandma and if they want to see her or not. Grandma is basically the only caregiver that the little one has known. I don't know if they call her 'mom' or 'grandma.' So much I want to know but just don't.

We know their birth dates and M's birthday is early Nov. We've decided that we'll just ask her if she wants a party with us inviting friends or if she just wants us. Again, no contact with bio family right now so I can't even offer that, which makes me sad.

We'll have to enroll M in school. We're told to not worry about it right away so we'll probably go over next week and see about getting her started in November.

3 girls! 3 heads of hair! 3 daughters!

Ask questions if you have them. Seriously I've got a deer in the headlights look right now. I'm going from super excited to complete fear constantly. The roller coaster of emotions is amazing. But I'm enjoying the process for now.

Telling Belle & Their Rooms

2011-10-18T11:53:00.000-07:00

Hmm... Well she's known that Miss Vivi was helping us find her brother and sister for a few weeks. We pray about it often together and she comments on them missing often enough. So when we got the email with the picture we just kind of showed her the picture and asked if she wanted them to be her sisters. Took awhile to explain that they are both sisters, no brother this time. We all had it in our heads that it would be brother and sister so we all had to adjust that.
She's very excited and loves showing off the pictures of her sisters. She points to the picture and says their names. She proudly has a framed picture beside her bed. She will go climb on the older ones bed (still thinking of nicknames for the blog) and tell me she wants to sleep with her. It's a trundle and while the girls are foster children they can't sleep on the trundle (silly rules, but I think they just mean as a permanent sleeping arrangement) so I told Isabel some nights we could pull it out and she could sleep with the girls.

The girls will share a room and even though the little one is under 2 we decided to leave the crib/toddler bed set up as a toddler bed and will get a rail. That way if she wants to get in bed with her sister at night she can.

So I quickly repainted the dressers (still need to do the handles) and found the blanket for the big bed for a great price and the one on the little bed is one I'd made a long time ago (not quite finished) and never used with Isabel.

The Call

2011-10-17T20:36:00.000-07:00

We got a call...

Almost 6 year old and 1 1/2 year old girls! So yeah, it happens fast. They come home on Thursday.

Licensed 10/5...
Called 10/13...
Meeting and coming home 10/20...

3 1/2 Years of Hair

2011-10-17T06:55:00.000-07:00

Ways to Encourage Attachment

2011-10-16T03:53:00.000-07:00

Repost from Nov 2008.

Respond to your child's arousal/Relaxation Cycle
- Stick with your child through his tantrums
- Be responsive to your child when he is hurt or physically ill
- Help your child express and cope with feelings of anger and frustration
- Share your child's extreme excitement over achievement
- Help your child cope with mixed feelings about his or her birth family, never speaking badly of them with your child.
- Help your child learn more about his past.
- Feed him promptly and effectively when he is ready and awake.

Interact Positively with Your Child
- Be affectionate: hug, kiss, move physically close
- Play games: become your child's favorite toy
- Tell your child how much you care/love for him
- Look at your child: Make eye contact

Have appropriate expectations
- He needs to develop at his own pace, not yours.
- He will have good days and bad days just like us.
- He is only little
- He cannot give us what we need to feel good.
- Babies fuss a lot and need lots of attention

Encourage your child to feel a part of the family (claiming behaviors)
- Identify his special physical qualities

Don't
- Be afraid to spoil your baby if you shower him with attention
- Expect child should do more things than he is ready for.
- Expect child will be just like you
- Expect child will always be in the mood you want him to be in.
- Expect child will always be cooperative.

OLDER CHILD TIPS:

View the child's behavior as an opportunity to re-parent.
Identify something each parent can do with the child for a short period of time every day.
Immediately incorporate the child into non-significant family traditions.
Depending on age, give him a responsibility to fulfill as part of the family.
Allow the child to have special mementos from significant people, and contact if possible.
Share with the child memories of your own past and losses and how you resolved them.
Ask children to identify familiar and special things in their past that are important to them.

What attachment tips and activities have you done? Worked or not?

References used to compile this list which I received from a training:
On Becoming a Family The Growth of Attachement
The First Twelve Months of Life (they also have the second 12 months)
Attachment and Separation, by Vera Fahlber
Every Child's Birthright: In Defense of Mothering
The Whole Life Adoption Book

Shutterfly Giveaway!

2011-10-14T21:40:00.000-07:00

Last year Shutterfly did a promotion for bloggers to blog about their Christmas cards and receive 50 free cards. They are doing it again this year and I am getting my post done right away.

This year however they are making it even better for my readers. You don't have to blog about it to get free cards. 3 of my readers will receive a code for 25 free cards. So leave a comment on this post and I'll do a drawing to see who wins. We'll do the drawing on the 24th which is the 3 year anniversary of finalizing Isabel's adoption. So get your comments in on this post before midnight on the 23rd. Nothing else to do, just comment and make sure I have an email to contact you on.

I really like Shutterfly. Not only do they offer great quality products but they also offer great deals. I've had photo books, gifts, cards and just prints done through them and have never been disappointed. Most recently I did a book for Isabel and we love reading it together.

They have over 900 Christmas cards to choose from. I didn't think I'd ever read the end of the list. But I found a few I loved on the first glance through. LINK to the Christmas card section.

Since we might have a new face or two on our cards this year I was looking for some that would allow me to have a family picture as well as individual pictures of the kids. These are my favs.

This first one is probably it considering the title on the card itself. We have been very blessed this year in so many ways.

I really liked this one for a single picture.

What I really liked in their selection this year was the option to have a top 10 things list on the card. Means I don't have to sit down and write a letter. We can just come up with the most important things from the year and it's easy. I saw 3 different layouts for this option. I'm not thrilled with the layouts but I love the idea so we'll see.

Don't forget to check out their selection of photo gifts for Christmas gifts for the family as well. LINK
And if you're a blogger and want a chance at 25 free cards register here: http://goo.gl/DDw7Q”

Planning

2011-10-11T12:23:00.000-07:00

I am a planner. I hold myself back from planning Isabel's birthday (April) until after Christmas so I don't plan too early. I love this time of year and all the fun free stuff for families to do. And I'm finding some other things like a Princess party in November that I can't register and pay for yet because I don't know if I'll be able to take Isabel.
I can't pick out Isabel's Christmas pjs or outfits for a Christmas picture, because they have to match! We can't even plan if we'll be able to go to TX before Christmas or not. I can't plan the fun Christmas party I want to do for Isabel and her friends. Nothing!

Everyone keeps telling me that we'll get a quick placement but I doubt every single one of them. I doubt them because I have to. I can't expect to have another child in our home for Halloween or Thanksgiving. I can't expect to have another child in our home for Christmas. I can't expect it because I don't want to be disappointed when it doesn't happen. And I want to be surprised when it does. I want to forget that I'm waiting for the phone to ring. I want to continue enjoying our little family of 3 while we are still 3. Wish me luck with that.

UGH! Just had to let it out.

*For the record this is not a whining post it's just a venting one.

If I Had My Child to Raise Over Again

2011-10-09T08:27:00.000-07:00

If I had my child to raise all over again, I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later. I'd finger-paint more, and point the finger less. I would do less correcting and more connecting. I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes. I'd take more hikes and fly more kites. I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play. I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars. I'd do more hugging and less tugging.

~Diane Loomans, from "If I Had My Child To Raise Over Again"

Concurrent Home

2011-10-08T21:00:00.000-07:00

In short a concurrent home is a foster to adopt home. But nothing is that simple.

Here in the state of CA there are no (or very few) legal orphans. Within the foster care system many states (like TX) terminate the parental rights (TPR) of the biological parents with or with an adoptive family ready to adopt the child. In CA TPR can not happen until a child is in an adoptive placement.

Since we have to choose to work with the state or the county we have to choose foster or concurrent. State is immediate risk placements and you get calls at all hours and for all children. They often times don't pay attention to your filters (age and number of kids). Working with the county they'll match kids to us looking at our family available profile.

Here is a normal process:

A child enters the foster care system and is put on the foster track while his bio parents work their plan. Their plan includes visits and any services that they need to be able to get custody of their children again. Services like, AA, anger management, help in finding a job, etc.
Some kids are immediately placed on the adoption track as well but that gets confusing so I won't go there.

After the child has been in foster care for 6 months there is a hearing to evaluate how the biological parents are doing and if reunification should happen or if services should be stopped. This hearing generally grants the parents another 6 months to work their service plan. When or if they complete what the court asked reunification happens.

If the court determines that the parents aren't going to complete the services to the courts satisfaction the services are terminated. That means the parents are on their own to work the plan. They can still have visits but they have to get there themselves. Just because services are terminated doesn't mean they won't get their kids back. Just means the state is no longer paying for their services.
When services are terminated they decide if the child should be placed on the adoption track but reunification can still happen. So they may or may not move the child to an adoptive placement. Depends on if a move is a good thing and if there is an adoptive home available.

Once the courts move the case to adoption, and the child is moved to an adoptive home they have to be in the home for 6 months before the adoption can be finalizes. I believe sometime after the first month the case is sent to a TPR hearing. But that's just if everything goes smoothly. Biological family members can come up anytime. Even after TPR happens I think a biological family member can still request custody of the child. So there is always risk.

Hope that makes sense. I've read and reread what I wrote so many times to make sure it was clear. It's all very confusing even to us.

The Waiting

2011-10-07T12:17:00.000-07:00

This wait is filled with so much emotion for me. It's not like waiting for a domestic adoption or really an international one. The thought of a child being removed from their home is a painful one when you think about the reasons. Every child that comes in to our home through this process will have a history and most likely it's not going to be a pretty one. We'll have to make decisions when we get a call that we won't want to make. We really have to listen to God's voice when it comes to where we go from here and I just hope we listen well.

We've chosen to be a concurrent home* to keep the support of our county workers and also because we don't know how long we will be in this county. Since we want to adopt we decided for now we would not be open to just fostering so we can at least try to complete an adoption before we move (no idea when or where but it's always a possibility). But since we are a concurrent home I don't expect an immediate placement or a late night or weekend phone call. It could happen but we're not expecting it which is really nice actually. It means that at least on the weekends I can let the phone get farther then arms reach away from me. It's been a long time since I've had the phone glued to me. Our county office is closed on Fridays and I was amazed when about 5:30 pm came yesterday how relaxed I felt. I was no longer stressing about catching that phone call. And since Monday is Columbus day they'll be closed then too. So I can relax and not worry about catching the phone until Tuesday morning.

It's going to be a wild ride and I'm glad I've got these two keeping me company on the ride.

* Concurrent home is a risk of the children being returned to their birth family but is an adoptive placement.

LICENSED!

2011-10-05T14:21:00.000-07:00

"I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry."

~ Psalm 40:1 ~

Dave and I are:

LINK

Wordless Wednesday (on Tuesday)

2011-10-04T15:51:00.000-07:00

It's Normal

2011-10-04T08:00:00.000-07:00

Things parents who grow their family through pregnancy just don't get from their kids.

While outside playing on the swing set Isabel says "We're missing one." She was pointing to the other side of the seesaw swing she was on. "Oh, it's for my brother and sister." Looking around she asks; "Where are they?"
I reminded her that we are praying and Miss Vivi (our social worker) is helping us find them. To which she replied "Oh, thank you mommy!" with great enthusiasm. Melts my heart a bit every time we have this discussion because she accepts it for what it is and doesn't ask any more questions.

I'm grateful that she hasn't learned what pregnancy is yet and that we haven't had those questions. I know she might be at the age to ask them but hasn't been exposed to any pregnant women so they haven't come up. For now thought that makes the sudden appearance of kids in our life seem a bit more normal to her.

Fall

2011-10-03T18:33:00.000-07:00

Enjoying the fall weather even though we have to drive an hour to get there. We took our first trip as a family to the mountains last weekend. We couldn't pick any apples but did pick some raspberries. After picking berries and having a picnic lunch we walked the trails some. Isabel did great considering she hadn't had a nap. Our weather has finally reached below 100* today so we're now looking forward to being outside more and enjoying the swing set out back.

Top Ten Tips for the First Year of Placement

2011-10-01T06:05:00.000-07:00

I was reviewing a list of Top Ten Tips for the first year of placement. It's a long but I thought I'd share. The list was created by Deborah Gray who wrote Attaching in Adoption.
The list is some reasonable things for parents to concentrate on the first year your child is home.

1. Spend ample time in nurturing activities.
The most significant process of the first year home is creating a trust relationship.
Intentional and ample nurturing promotes this goal. Restrict your hours away from the little one. Do not leave your child for overnight trips for this first year.
Meet your little one’s needs in an especially sensitive manner. Feed on demand.
Respond quickly to fussing. Allow the toddler or child to regress, bottle-feeding, rocking to sleep, lapsitting, and being carried. Let your child experience you as the safe person who is sensitively meeting her needs. Play little games that promote eye contact, like peekaboo, ponyride, and hide-and-seek. Make positive associations between yourself and food.

2. Teach children to play with you.
Many little ones have missed the joys of play. Act as an amplifier, teaching toddlers and children the pleasure of play. Most children have missed the experience of having parents express joy as they played. Because of this, their reward centers were not stimulated. This restricted the association of exploration and play with pleasure. Make your family one that develops a pattern of having fun. Throughout life having fun as a family builds self-esteem.
Look for different sensory modalities that might feel safer or more interesting. For example, a boy who was afraid to play outdoors began to use sidewalk chalk with his mother, even though the grass seemed overwhelming. Gradually a ball was used on the sidewalk, and then onto the grass. Take things in steps if children are wary.

3. Talk to your child.

Explain things to him, even though you might think that the meaning of what you are doing is obvious. Not only are you conveying information to him, you are revealing your view of the world to him.
Most of us have an internal dialogue going on during the day. (Yes, we are actually talking to ourselves.) Simply make some of this internal language external. This is a typical activity for parents of infants. However, it tends to diminish as children get older. Since children have missed this early activity, parents should feel free to describe things as they would to an infant.

4. When toddlers or older children have behavior problems, use your body to stop
them.
Be gentle, but be consistently and predictably competent in stopping negative behaviors.
Do not use over the shoulder commands or across the room reminders. Stay within arm’s reach of the child, moving their hands, bodies, feet, to where you want them to go. Never tolerate hitting, kicking, or hurting. Some parents allow a child painful *exploration* of the parents’ faces. This is teaching that will have to be undone later. Gently move their bodies to where you want them to be. For example, if your little one is reaching for an item, move the child or the item. Use the voice for a back up. Do not remind or repeat several times. Instead, describe in a pleasant manner how precious or pretty the item appears to you—as you move your child. Teach boundaries of respect from the beginning.

5. Get enough sleep, good food, and exercise to stay in a good mood.
Little ones who have been moved and/or neglected tend to be irritable, fussy, and hard to soothe. Parents use their own positive, well-regulated moods to help calm and engage these little ones. Your own emotional stability will help to steady your child’s moods.
A depressed parent struggles to form a positive, secure attachment with her baby or child. Depression makes the parent emotionally less available. The parent who is tired, eating junk food, and inert by day’s end does not give a child a competent source of emotional regulation. Parents who find that their moods are slipping, even with good self-care, should see about counseling and/or an antidepressant. It is simply too hard to do this essential, nurturing parenting while being depressed. Model respect for yourself by taking time for showers, good meals, and sleep.

6. Be part of an adoption support group.
The relationships between families are invaluable. The relationships can be emotional lifelines on hard days. If possible, find a mentor who is positive, and who likes you and your child. Ask her to be part of your circle of support. We all need to feel understood and authentically accepted. A mentor who can provide that sense of nurture for the parent helps the parent to be a good nurturer. The mentor relationship provides a sense of being heard and accepted, and tips and information. Parents are working harder emotionally when parenting a baby or child who has lived through uneven parenting.
Parents need someone who cares for them. Sometimes this can be mutual support, and sometimes one-to-one.

7. Keep a calm, but interesting home.
Match the amount of stimulation in the home to the amount that is within the child’s ability to tolerate. Many children have been massively understimulated before they came to parents. Neglect massively understimulates children. They do not build neurology to process as much sensory stimulation. After adoption, their worlds can suddenly be overwhelming. Things are too bright, too loud, move too much, and tilt too much. Slow things down, buffering your baby or child to the extent that they can process the information coming their way. Often children who are overwhelmed by noise will begin shouting, or those overstimulated by too much movement will begin running with arms like windmills. Lay out predictable, consistent events for the day. Some children find the movement of the car to be disorienting. If your child is having difficulties, try a couple of days limiting the car, determining whether or not this makes a difference.

8. Explain to children basics of your relationships as they gain language.
For example, *A mother’s job is to love you. I will always come back home to you when I leave in the car to go shopping. You will live with me until you are as big as I am. I will not let anybody hurt you. I will never hurt you. We will always have enough food.* One mother told me of her son’s relief and better behavior when she told him that she would never allow others to hurt him. *Why didn’t I think to tell him the first year?* She questioned. *He was afraid every time we went to the mall. He has been thinking for two years that just anyone could haul off and hit him.* Another parent told me of the melting smile that her daughter gave her when she said that a mother’s job was to love her child. *I just assumed that she knew that. But she didn’t. She looked at my face much more after that.*

9. Do watch for signs of an exclusive attachment by the end of the first year.
Children should be seeking out their parents for affection and play. They should be showing off for positive attention. They should prefer being with the parent. They should show some excitement about time together. When hurt or distressed, the child should seek out the parent. In a secure attachment, the child will calm with the parent and accept soothing.
Trauma and traumatic grief are the common culprits when children are remaining wary, fearful, and controlling of their parents. Signs of trauma with younger children include regular night terrors, dissociation (child shuts off emotionally and stares away), scratching, biting, extreme moods, freezing in place, and destructiveness. Parents who see these symptoms should be finding a mental health counselor to help their child. If the child is under the age of three, the parent is given special parenting advice. Usually therapy with an experienced child therapist can begin not long after the age of three.
Do not have an artificial timeline of *fixed in a year,* for the preschooler or older child. Consider the year marker as the time it takes to really get to know your child—not to iron out any behavioral irregularities.

10. Enter your little one’s space—positively.
This often means getting low and looking up for eye contact. It means trying hard and trying patiently for a longer time. You are the one who has the responsibility of engaging your child positively. Do not use punitive techniques to try to build relationships. After all, no one wants to attach to a mean person. Instead, be strong, dependable, available, and kind. Veer away from advice that is strong, controlling, and mean in tone. Sensitive and kind parents gradually build empathy and security in their relationships with their children. That process takes time and the type of parenting that caused you to want to be a parent in the first place!

Maintain a sane schedule as you move into year two. Many parents decide that the first year is the marker until they can re-enter a *normal* schedule. Among family therapists there is national concern about the taxing schedule that Americans are considering *normal.* Resist this widespread but unhealthy pace. Continue to parent with margins of time that allow for sensitivity, with margins of emotional energy that allow for appreciation of those around you. Model a healthy, emotionally fulfilling lifestyle to your child.

Bullet Points

2011-09-29T09:50:00.000-07:00

Just some random thoughts post home study.

It was so neat to sit with our SW and hear her talk about God's timing and God's hand in things. And about church. She's clearly a Christian and seeing that makes me like her even more. She's really good at stretching couples and knowing when they are stretchable. I'm just hoping she doesn't try to stretch us too much. But knowing that she'll be praying for us as we walk this path feels kind of good.
Talking about race this time around was no easier then it was the first time. Leaving choices up to God on some things meaning I lose control is not an easy thing for me sometimes.
Hearing my daughter talk about her brother & sister and be very anxious for them to come home is bitter sweet. It's hard to watch and not have an answer for her and it's sweet to know that she's ready. She told me a bunch of toys she's going to show them when they come.
Knowing that we have a heart to foster but that God is in control and might surprise us all with His plans as long as we are open and obedient.
Excited at the idea of actually growing our family. Don't think I allowed myself to become excited until now.
During the wait to adopt Isabel it was hard to walk in to the nursery during the wait. Now I walk in to "the boys room" (that's just what we call it since we have no idea who will go where really) and I get excited about what we're doing. I know that we're as ready as we can be.
I am not a patient person. This final wait with nothing left to do is proving to be the hardest. We'll get there I'm just being rather impatient about it.

What to Ask?

2011-09-28T07:05:00.000-07:00

I was reading a list (HERE) this morning about questions to ask when you get a call. We don't know if we'll get an immediate placement with no information or a call with lots of information. So I'm preparing to be able to ask questions as if they know something. If they don't then we roll with it. That's likely to become our motto, "just roll with it!"

So here the 10 things they suggest. I'd love to hear what you asked and what information was available. I want to have this printed so we each have it with us just to know basic information, and a place to write the details

1. Age and Grade of the Child
The age and grade of the child will dictate what other resources you will need to parent the child.

2. Reason for Coming into or Came into Care
Physical abuse, sexual abuse, truancy, lack of supervision, poor condition of the home, lack of food, lack of appropriate medical care, there are many reasons a child will come into foster care, know what you can and can not handle.

3. Placed from Where & Why
Is the child coming into foster care from the birth home, a group home or another foster home?

4. Disruption
There is a big difference between a child needing a new placement due to the foster parents moving and the child disrupting the home.

5. Number of Moves
How many foster homes has the child been in?

6. Race
Many families are willing to foster a child of a race other than their own and that is wonderful as there is a need for more foster homes that are open to a wide variety of needs. But that child and foster family will not be raised in a bubble. Take into account your community and the school district that the foster child will be entering. Will the child be the only person in the whole district that looks like her? Knowing what works in your home and community does not make you a racist, it makes you aware.

7. Special Needs
Does the child have glasses, medication, allergies, or other physical needs?

8. Siblings
Can you provide a home for the entire sibling set? If not, asking about siblings is just a good idea so that you know who the child is talking about. You can also begin thinking about ways to keep the children close; if that is appropriate with the case goals.

9. Known Behaviors
Children express feelings through behaviors. For example: does this child hit when angry? Does the child sexually act out? How about open defiance? Ask the worker what behaviors the child has; they may know especially if the child is coming to you from another foster home.

10. School Needs
Does the child have an Individualized Education Plan(IEP)? How about speech therapy? Is the child struggling in school? What school did the child attend previously? Has the child been held back? These are other good questions to ask if the child is coming from another foster home. The placement worker calling you will probably not know these things about a child who is coming into foster care for the first time.

And It's Done

2011-09-27T15:28:00.000-07:00

We just reviewed our home study. She'll fix a couple things and send it off for approval. That's it. That's the last bit that we have a tiny bit of control over. It's all in God's hands now. Not like it wasn't before but now it's really all in His control.

Wait?

2011-09-26T20:12:00.000-07:00

Dec 1, 2010 10 couples finished foster/adopt classes. Sept 14, 2011 7 of those couples all have children in their homes. The remaining 3 (us included) are still in the paperwork phase. One just being licensed, us almost there, and another just beginning after a delay of selling their home.

In our group adoptive placements* have been placed in every home.
In 7 families the children placed in the homes are:

newborn baby girl
newborn baby girl
9 month old baby boy
sib set; 2, 3 & 4 year old (2 boys & 1 girl)
sib set; 6 & 8 year old (boy and girl)
sib set; 10 & 12 year old (two boys)
3 year old boy

I share that not to share private details but to hopefully encourage people who are thinking about adopting through foster care but worried about the wait and even the age. The wait is not always as bad as you hear.
Our county is very large and there is a need so placements do happen quickly here but I find it encouraging to see just how quickly it's gone for everyone. I believe most of the families that were placed with older children waited less then 2 months to receive a call.

I have learned that each state and even county are different. In our county the matchers meet every Wednesday to go through the book of children and the book of available homes. In one state I was told the matchers meet once a quarter. So that can take awhile.

But find out how your state and county work. If you're interested just make a call and find out more information. The training is free so you can even start the process and decide if it's right for your family after you learn more. With us education has been key throughout the process. Before adopting Isabel we were not educated about domestic & open adoptions. Before starting the process here we knew nothing about CA foster system. We went in to both with our own concerns and as we became educated we realized it's not as scary as we thought.

*By adoptive placement I mean after the child placed in their home has been there for 6 months they can move forward with finalizing the adoption. In CA parental rights are not terminated until they are in an adoptive placement. And that's where the 6 months wait comes in.

Christmas Gift Idea

2011-09-23T08:28:00.000-07:00

Saw this really cute gift idea and had to pass it along. I love hand prints so it's perfect for me.

LINK
Yes I'm already thinking about Christmas. It is after all only 92 days away.

Excitement & What's Next

2011-09-22T06:52:00.000-07:00

So now that we actually took another step in the process my excitement is building. Dave is so different and he says he won't be excited until we get a call. That's the way it was before adopting Isabel as well.

But for me, it's real now and I want to be ready. It's really going to happen. Of course we could have a wait before getting a call but the longest wait any of our friends here went through is 9 months. We've got one still waiting but they have only been waiting about 6 or 7 months. And they both have more specific requests so they expected to wait a bit longer. Plus we're open to risk and fostering.

It's real fun to think about the possibility of having a house full of kids this Christmas. It's exciting to think about matching pjs and all the fun things that come with having more then one child. But I'm trying my best not to get my hopes up that we'll actually have another child in our home before the holidays. But it's hard.

Thought I'd explain the next step since I know it seems confusing to some. Our SW will come back after she's written up our home study. It's more of a story then just a document. It shares who we are and will include some fun stories about us as well like how we met and the excitement of our first date. That's what the matchers use to match children with families. Gives the matchers a better idea of the right family for the child. She got to know us pretty well and I'm anxious to read what she's written about us. So she'll come back and we'll read it and make sure it all sounds right to us and fill in any blanks. Then she'll submit it to the director and after it's approved we're ready to roll. Of course that could take up to 60 days but I'm guessing it will be a lot sooner. But one thing I've learned in this process is to not expect anything to happen when it's supposed to. Good training I suppose for court dates and visits that should happen but don't.

Home Study - Done

2011-09-20T18:12:00.000-07:00

Home study was so much different then the first home study in 2006. This whole experience has been different in unique ways that I've needed this time around.

Miss V got here and after a quick tour and jotting a few notes about the house we sat at the kitchen table to talk. She went over a few things with us. Not much really. Went over our "Family Available" which is like your profile or dossier. For us it's one page with sections that we've filled in and a family picture attached. That's what the matchers look at to match children with parents. We discussed what and our normal routine is which is far from normal. We talked about the different paths we can take, fostering, concurrent (which I'll explain in another post) or adopting. She helped us there a lot and we did come up with a decision that seems right for us right now. We talked about race and age. She asked us about our willingness to adopt older then Isabel. We talked briefly about our families. Basically she's already got it all in a file and there's nothing we're hiding and nothing that complicates our family history any so we're an easy case to write up.

We talked for about an hour and then Isabel was up from her nap. So we talked for a while longer while Isabel woke up and came out of her shell. She wanted to see Isabel be herself and us be parents. And she got to see it. Isabel was great. She worked in a workbook for awhile and had a snack. Then she ran around and played with her toys showing Miss V her toys and having a great time.

Miss V asked her if she wanted a baby brother & sister or a big brother & sister. Isabel said big. She also asked if she wanted a brother & sister or two girls, etc. She said a brother and sister. So we'll see. Now she tells me she's going to have a baby sister.

She'll write up our home study and then she'll come over again to have us review it with her and then it has to be approved and we're officially swimming in the pool, waiting for a child or children to come in to our home.

We're really on our way now. Any questions please ask. I'm going to try and do a post with some questions we get often through out the process so I'll add any new ones here.
(Anna I haven't forgotten you've asked about attachment)

Saving? Rescueing? Adopting? Loving?

2011-09-19T05:55:00.000-07:00

Dave and I have to make some tough decisions right now. We got a first hand look at what is considered a disability this week, one that it's our assumption that might be pretty common among the foster children in our county. I'm not going to hide the fact that it worried Dave just a bit wondering if we could really handle it.
There are way too many selfish decisions to make when it comes to adoption paperwork. Boy or girl? Hair color? I've even heard of people asking for specific eye color before and temperament. The hardest decisions for Dave and I to make are the medical ones. I still remember way back when we filled that paperwork out the first time. I can picture the table and apartment and where we were both sitting, it's that strong of a memory. After a page or 2 (I think there were 5) Dave said he couldn't do this and he needed to stop. With every 'no' that we selected it felt as though we were saying no to a child. Those feelings have come up again many times throughout the process this past year. How do we say no when in reality it is not the child's fault and they just need help.
But I think that's where we start walking the fine line of 'saving or rescuing' a child and doing what God's called us to do. He's called us (Dave and I) to love and care for children in need of a safe home for a time and adopt again when the time is right. He has not called us to take on more then we can handle. He has not called us to rescue all the children under age 5 in our county.
So many times I've told our friends we've made in our training classes that only we know what we can handle. Only each family knows what they can handle when it comes to health, race, age, and number of children. We can not allow the great need around us to sway our decisions on what we can handle. We can not allow what others around us are open to sway our decisions either. We must follow the path that we are on and make the choices that are right for our family. And this time around our family is Isabel and a lot of the decisions we are making are because of her. Because we need to think of what is best for her.

I'm not sure what I intended this post to be but it sure helped me answer some questions that Dave and I have been asking each other recently. So I'm going to post it in hopes that maybe someone else out there is asking the same questions and reading me talk it out will help you make the choice that you need to make for your family as well.

Home Study

2011-09-17T06:17:00.000-07:00

Well our Home Study is Tuesday and I'm not nervous at all. We have some questions we want to go over with her. Need to pull out the 10" of binders we have from classes to remember what's next and how it works once our home is open to receiving calls but after Tuesday we are still waiting for I don't know how long. But eventually we'll be done. Hopefully before our training expires.

Yesterday Isabel and I took our first trip to pick raspberries. We took our friends with us. She has 3 siblings they are fostering with the intent to adopt so I can't post their adorable pictures. But Isabel had a blast
picking
eating berries with her friends. They are 2, 3, & 4 years old so all very close in age together. And last night I made a white chocolate raspberry cheesecake to take to a get together with some families from our foster classes. YUM!

Ah... a BEE!!! There were lots of bees out while we were there.

Caught with cheeks full of berries and an empty basket.

It was so nice to put long pants on but it was a bit of a surprise when Isabel decided to melt down at the sight of them. We've been in shorts or skirts/dresses for so long.

For a Reason

2011-09-15T10:02:00.000-07:00

by Russell Kelfer

You are who you are for a reason.

You're part of an intricate plan.

You're a precious and perfect unique design,

Called God's special woman or man.

You look like you look for a reason.

Our God made no mistake.

He knit you together within the womb,

You're just what He wanted to make.

The parents you had were the ones He chose,

And no matter how you may feel,

They were custom designed with God's plan in mind,

And they bear the Master's seal.

No, that trauma you faced was not easy.

And God wept that it hurt you so;

But it was allowed to shape your heart

So that into His likeness you'd grow.

You are who you are for a reason,

You've been formed by the Master's rod.

You are who you are, beloved,

Because there is a God!

Isabel's Table

2011-09-12T12:13:00.000-07:00

April 2009I painted this table for Isabel. The frog cushions never stayed on the chairs and are long gone now. The table has gone through many transformations in it's 2 1/2 short years.

This was April 2010. I should have listened to the person that told me to cover it with layers of contact paper to be able to peel away the dirty layers over time keeping it looking nice.

So I repainted it. I tried to get real creative. This was Sept 2010.

January 2011 - still not happy with it I painted the top all pink. But in desperation I just used the pink I had on hand which was just tempra paint. Not a good idea.

So this summer I decided to really make it look good and be a permanent change. So I scraped the paint as best I could and I painted one chair pink and the other blue. Thinking we may one day have a boy. But I didn't know what color to paint the table. We'd toyed with the idea of using chalkboard paint and this week I decided to just go ahead and do it. But I knew the pink had to go. I'm very happy with the end result. And we'll see how hard it is to keep the chalkboard top nice. I think playdough and painting will have to be on the kitchen table from now on.

Pictures

2011-09-12T07:28:00.000-07:00

Pictures are priceless. Especially pictures of loved ones that are no longer in your life.

I was talking with a friend who is about to bring home their new son via foster/adopt. They intend to adopt him and I know that they are not looking to have any kind of contact with his birth family. As we were talking she said she was hoping his current foster mom had some pictures for them of his time with her. I told her that no matter how she felt about his birthmom right now to make sure she tries to get at least one picture of her with her son if possible. She agreed that she was trying to think ahead and knowing that she should try and get it now in case he wants it when he's older.

So I guess I'm wondering do you have a picture of your child's birth mother or birth father? And does your child have access to view that picture when he/she wants to see it?

Having an open adoption we obviously have pictures of Isabel with her birth mom and they are displayed around the house and in our photo albums. We do not have any of her birth father though.

Checking In

2011-09-09T12:52:00.000-07:00

I just read THIS post after seeing it linked on my friends blog. It's an excellent post and I encourage everyone to take the time to read it. Especially those of you that are struggling with something. She's writing about the time "after the airport." After bringing home their children from Africa and the celebration ended, life moves on.

I'm writing for those of you who had the oh-so-wanted baby after the cheers and showers and Facebook fervor, and now you're struggling with a depression so dark and deep, you are afraid to say it out loud. To you who moved across the country in obedience - you left your family, church, community, your jobs - and now the headline has passed and you are lonely and unanchored. For my friends who've brought their adopted children home and the media frenzy has died down, and you are holding a screaming toddler, a fragile kindergartener, an angry teen, trying to catch your breath and make it through the day without bawling while everyone else has gone back to their regularly scheduled programs...I'm with you today.

First and foremost before I start typing I have to thank 3 wonderful ladies, Amanda, H & Laurie, each one of you cared enough to care for me "after the airport."

Last year I was that person that left our home. Left our church which we finally felt like we belonged to. Left an adoption ministry that I loved. Left friends that after years of feeling like I never fit in I finally fit in with. Left family. We did this because God moved and opened the way for us to come to CA. Now 16 months later I'm grateful for this move and we've created a life here for our family and even though we miss our family in TX right now we can't imagine leaving CA. We have friends that I know I can call on if we need something. But last year in the thick of the move when yet again I knew I'd be loosing friends it was hard. My friend H was going through the exact same thing I was. But she went the opposite way ironically, she moved from CA to TX. Oh how we both wished we could have swapped places, at least I know I did for a time. But through talking with Heather as she blogged about it, I stayed quiet, I had that friend that was walking the same exact thing as me and when people back home forgot about my family I knew that she knew what I was going through. So whether you know it or not H, you helped me. Thanks!

Then there was the sudden loss of my dad in 2004. I think it was the next fall that I met my friend Amanda and we realized that we had a date in common as we got to know each other. You see her father-in-law died on the exact same day and year that my dad died. So every year when that anniversary rolled around she'd remember and she'd be sure to let me know that she was thinking about me and praying for me. It's an anniversary I'd rather forget but I can't so I'm grateful to have a friend I know prays for me each year.

Then there's my friend Laurie, and this is the toughest one for me to talk about. Yes we adopted Isabel at birth but I struggled. Not because of attachment or anything like that. At first it was just a struggle with such a big change that I had no control over. Then as I got control I struggled with how to navigate our open adoption. I love Isabel's first mom and family and I am thrilled that we all get to watch Isabel grow together. But it took me some time to separate my mothering with allowing Isabel's first mom to be the mother even though she wasn't there day to day changing diapers and wiping a snotty nose. In my effort to make things easier for her I tried to share my motherhood with her. Of course I never told her that, I think if I had she would have told me how silly I was being because she choose me to be Isabel's mom. She wanted me to be the one changing the diapers and wiping the snot. And thanks to my friend Laurie who was able to point this out to me. Point out what I was doing which was making me struggle with feeling like I was 100% Isabel's mom. It still took a few months for me to work through it but having my friend point it out to me was so very helpful.

So why am I sharing all that. Because we all know people that are struggling with something "after the airport" as the post I linked above says. After the big event in their life. Bringing home their newly adopted child or something else. So remember those friends and check in on them.

Welcoming Foster Children

2011-09-03T20:38:00.000-07:00

Nothing was more upsetting than the first few nights alone in a new home.
- heidi - a former foster child

I can't believe our day of welcoming in our first foster child is finally close. It's just amazing to me to think about it. So I thought I'd review THIS POST from last year about welcoming a foster child.

What to have in your home for a new foster placement:

Pictures of them if you have any if not print some as soon as you can to give the kids some permanency in their new home.
Scrapbook and supplies or photo album for them to put any pictures that they might have been able to bring with them and to add pictures to.
Blanket, pillow, stuffed animal
Glow worm, bear etc so they don't sleep in the dark. Or even glow sticks just on the night stand next to the bed for older kids who don't want to admit they are scared.
New toy that is all their own.
Couple of new outfits (this of course is tough but I actually have a few outfits in almost every size we are open to except for 4-5T boys clothes).
Books, games, anything that would fit their age that you can have not to overstimulate but to make them feel like you want them there.
A small suitcase. I've heard this one before. Children sometimes enter foster homes with what's on their backs or a small plastic bag of things that were thrown in quickly before they left their home. Having a suitcase available for an older child gives them a place to put their things and if they do move on to another foster home or back home they know that it is theirs and they can take all their stuff with them.
Toothbrush and other toiletries.

What to do with a new foster placement the first few days/nights in your home:

Pictures of your family with foster child. Put them in age appropriate frames all over the house so they can touch them. Or a small flip photo album.
Take child to pick out material to make a blanket.
If child is old enough to pick clothes take them shopping
First night just order or make pizza. Can't think of a child that doesn't like pizza and it's quick and easy and allows you to help the child adjust. If you make the pizza it might get the child helping.
Have cookies baking when the child is scheduled to arrive.

Things not to do the first few days/nights for a new foster child in your home:

Wash or take away ANYTHING they bring with them. I'll add unless it's unhealthy. Removing those things and their smell of their previous home takes away who they are before they have a chance to be comfortable.
Don't push too many rules at first. Give them an adjustment period of learning.

So I know that's ideal. What's practical?

Almost There

2011-09-01T06:06:00.000-07:00

One year ago tomorrow we attended the orientation to start this process. I'm happy to say that instead of complaining about the wait. About not understanding why our wait is taking so long. I'm happy to say we finally have a date set for our HOME STUDY. Praise God that part of the wait is finally over.

Sept 20th we will be sitting with our social worker having that intimate interview and letting her see us as parents. When she called to make the appointment she joked with me telling me not to stress like she knew I would. Don't worry about making everything perfect. She wants to see real life. She wants to see us parenting Isabel. We laughed as Isabel ran through the house screaming while I was on the phone. I assured her that this particular scream was a happy scream. And please she says, don't worry about feeding me. She's been at this for a long time and knows us well.

It's going to be interesting having a home study with our 3 year old running around but it's going to be fun. Another story to remember about the process. And I already know how to prepare Isabel. When the day comes I'll tell her that Miss V is coming to talk to mommy and daddy about finding her brother and sister.

Disney Take 2

2011-08-30T14:54:00.000-07:00

Thanks to a wonderful lady we got to go back to Disney again. This time Dave's parents came along.

She loved trying on all the hats but still refused to try on any ears. Oh well, saved us $18.

But Dave was disappointed she didn't want the Tinkerbell ears.

First ride was of course the tea cups. Grandma had wanted to ride it since she was little and got to ride with her granddaughter. Fun time!

Isabel getting soaked under the mist sprayer.

Getting ready to soar over CA. Amazing ride.

Climbing through the tree house.

The flowers outside Mickey's gazebo in CA Adventures.

Walking in to the Little Mermaid ride.

In our clam shell watching the Little Mermaid

She spotted Jessie.

If you look close you can see a smile. Thank you disney camera person for that. She won't smile with any of the characters even though she loves them.

She looks like I'm forcing her to be there. Silly girl.

Snack break

The one ride I wanted to take Isabel on is the swings so I was glad they have a bench set with a seat for the child and a seat for the parent. She loved it and as she got off she jumped and said "that's awesome!" Big hit!

We are fans of Phineas and Ferb (netflix!!)

On our way back to the other park she fell asleep. We let her sleep about 40 minutes before waking her up for the ride Dave wanted to take her on. Star Tours!

3D glasses and ready to enter the ship. It was great. Isabel loved it and even though Dave missed it she learned who Darth Vader is on this ride.

Going through the turn thing on her own like a big girl.

Her first roller coaster. Big Thunder Mountain. She loved it except for the dark tunnels. The rest of the day she was asking to go on another roller coaster.

Again we happened to be in the right spot at the right time and got to see the parade. Her expression seeing the princesses.

These two came in front of the Lion King. Lion King is coming out one night in theaters next month so they are showcasing him. But these two are from two totally different movies. We thought it was a bit odd. Gorilla is from Tarzan and the orangutan is from Jungle Book.

The window above the firetruck is Walt Disney's apartment

Boo's Door!

Decor as we waited in line for Monster's Inc ride. She loved that one. I was trying to watch the movies I knew she'd see rides from before we went to help her know the characters better.

Just some neat things around the park...

Clay-mation. It spins and the strobe light goes off and it's really cool. We have video as well.

Electronica

Waiting for World of Color

She fell asleep until she heard the Little Mermaid song come on.

The only group shot from the day.

The World of Color show was amazing. It's the reason we went this month, it won't be there next month. They project images on the mist from the water.

We had a blast!

3 Days of WOW

2011-08-29T08:29:00.000-07:00

We had a very busy weekend. These are just a peak and when I get some time later today I'll work on some posts of all 3 days and the fun we had.

Comparison

2011-08-24T23:33:00.001-07:00

Dave and I were looking at some comparison pictures today and I thought I'd share some pics through the years. Click to enlarge.

April

May

June

July

August

September

October

November

December

January

February

March

End to Summer

2011-08-23T12:43:00.000-07:00

Been trying to keep busy with the end of summer upon us. Of course we've still got a month of 100* here but we've had a very mild summer compared to last year and the rest of the south.

Loving the swing set out back. And we're growing grass and really trying to fix it up so when the weather gets nicer we'll be spending lots of time out there.

Bounce house opened back up and we've spent lots of time there during their promotional half price entrance offer.

Took another trip to the San Diego Zoo. We decided next year we should get annual passes to Sea World. We'll see....

Lots of play dates with some good friends. And Isabel is finally getting braver in, around and under the water. She was walking through some sprinklers here.

And yesterday we went west and met with some blogger moms that I've gotten to know. Isabel was thrilled to see her friend again. And she even got to meet a new baby friend. We went to Knotts Berry Farm and Isabel had a blast on the rides.

Throwing her hands up and screaming with a huge smile on her face.

She is really growing up and we are loving every minute of it.

It Couldn't Be Done

2011-08-17T09:33:00.000-07:00

This has always been one of my favorite poems. Feeling in need of some encouragement lately and I thought I'd share in case anyone else is also in need of that reminder to not give up just because others tell you it can't be done.

It Couldn't Be Done

Somebody said that it couldn't be done,

But he with a chuckle replied

That "maybe it couldn't," but he would be one

Who wouldn't say so till he'd tried.

So he buckled right in with the trace of a grin

On his face. If he worried he hid it.

He started to sing as he tackled the thing

That couldn't be done, and he did it.

Somebody scoffed: "Oh, you'll never do that;

At least no one ever has done it";

But he took off his coat and he took off his hat,

And the first thing we knew he'd begun it.

With a lift of his chin and a bit of a grin,

Without any doubting or quiddit,

He started to sing as he tackled the thing

That couldn't be done, and he did it.

There are thousands to tell you it cannot be done,

There are thousands to prophesy failure;

There are thousands to point out to you, one by one,

The dangers that wait to assail you.

But just buckle in with a bit of a grin,

Just take off your coat and go to it;

Just start to sing as you tackle the thing

That "cannot be done," and you'll do it.

by Edgar Guest

When & What to Share

2011-08-15T07:41:00.000-07:00

First let me share a story that lead me to think about this then I'll get to the point.

I recently had the opportunity to talk to the aunt of one of the couples that we went through foster/adopt classes with. Apparently she goes to the church I'm working at. She shared the praise and prayer report that her nephew had adopted a 3 year old boy. Not until she shared his name did I put it together that this was the couple we sat with often in our classes. I was thrilled to make this connection and she was a very proud Great Aunt to be sharing the news.

After the service I spoke with her and she shared that she was going to crochet him a blanket like she has done with each of her great grandkids but since he is 3, very big and athletic she wasn't going to do it. I encouraged her that he would probably still like it. After talking for a bit she told me that after my encouragement she was going to make it for him.

I did not share my reasons for saying that. The fact that some kids do regress when they get in to a stable home and he might enjoy a typical baby blanket. I was of course also thinking of his adoptive parents. How much they will appreciate him receiving the same gift that other kids in the family have received.

Now to the point:
While talking with this lady she shared some things that the couple from our class have not yet shared with me. Nothing major but at least one of the things I wouldn't have wanted people knowing about this little boys situation, but still nothing major. It got me to thinking about how excited we all get when we share about our new children. In our excitement we share lots of details, some times details we wouldn't want the world to know. More then that sometimes we share things we wouldn't want our child hearing from someone other then mom or dad.

I remember the first situation we were asked if we wanted our profile shown to before adopting Isabel. We shared EVERYTHING about it with some family members. After that situation (which wasn't Isabel) Dave and I talked about what to share and what not to share and with who. It's even more important with foster children I think since they are not our children.

This was a great reminder to think before we share because you never know who knows who. And it was really neat to watch this family member so excited about the new addition to their family.

Waiting to Forget

2011-08-14T16:23:00.000-07:00

Sheila Kelly Welch wrote this book and contacted me last year asking if I would do a review of her book when it came out. I was glad to accept this offer and while I'm not the greatest writer I do enjoy reading a good book. This book is fiction. It's a great book and a very easy read. I was hooked right away and had a hard time putting it aside.

This book is for teens, I'd say 14 and up but not having a teen I'm not sure the exact age it would really be good for. But if you are looking at giving this to your adopted child I would recommend you, the parent, read it first. And I'm thinking this would be a good book for CASA workers of teens.

I really like the way the story is laid out. It's set in 3 times of T.J.'s life. Now, Then and Between Then and Now.
Now he is sitting in the waiting room at the ER waiting to hear if his sister is going to live. His adoptive parents are with her. You have no idea what happened to her other then that she fell but you do eventually learn. It's part of the mystery of the story. His adoptive father told him on the way out of the door to grab a book to read, he was always telling him to read more books. So being the defiant preteen he grabbed a book that didn't have words, but mainly pictures. He grabbed his lifebook.
As he opens it up he sees the only picture he has of he and his birthmom. And the story then switches to Between Then and Now when he was told by the social worker that he and his sister should make a life book. They were about to be adopted.

As he waits in the waiting room he flips through the pages and remembers life with his mom. When they were very little, maybe 5 & 2, their mother left them with a friend and didn't return for days. The lady caring for them had a job interview and had to leave them alone. The neighbor came and found the kids by themselves and called the authorities, and the children were placed in foster care. All he remembers from that first foster home is that it was blue and they had cats. Nothing was explained to the children. I've found this to be the norm in all stories true or not with kids being removed. Nothing is ever explained to them and that is heartbreaking. No matter the age they should try to explain what's going on to them.Because also the norm when it is a story in the kids point of view they are extremely confused and scared not knowing what happened to their parents.

They are reunited with their mom and for awhile things are fine. In his life book the pages now don't include pictures they include drawings. One of them is a big yellow circle. That is the summer of Ray. That's how he remembers that summer. They were all happy when they lived with Ray. He was about the only man in mom's life that seemed to really care for the children. Before and after him were just more men in mom's life. That's about all his lifebook contained other then a party after they were reunited the first time.

The last man that he shares about before again entering foster care was a bad story. There were NO details whatsoever but reading through the lines I could imagine that this man s.e.xually abused TJ's sister. TJ grew up trying to take care of his sister. He tried to keep himself awake to be able to make sure she was safe because he knew something was going to happen to her. He's 9-10 years old at the time and should be dreaming of Transformers instead of forcing himself to stay awake to watch after his 6 year old sister. Things got rough and he called out for help from a neighbor who ignored him but the neighbors daughter called 911. Mom kicked the boyfriend out and things were fine. But a few days later mom left the kids for the weekend to go away with the boyfriend. She never came back and after a week TJ called the social worker that had just visited them and they were placed in foster care again. Mom signed away her rights and the children were adopted within 2 years.

Then they have to adjust to life in an adoptive placement and that was not an easy thing for them to do. But I won't share anything more on that, it's a good read.

Being a fan of lifebooks I really liked that it was him reading it and reflecting. For that reason I think it would be good for children adopted at an older age to read it.

My friend Kris who reviewed (LINK) the book summed it up well when she said;

They (the things the kids went through) are painful. They will cause you to be angry. They will bring up tears. They will not be easy to remove from your thoughts. These characters will stay with you.

LINK to the book on Amazon. LINK to more information on the author.

Making a Decision

2011-08-12T09:00:00.000-07:00

Actually getting closer to being licensed I'm reviewing our books from class. It's been awhile and I've forgotten a bit. So for my own good and for those looking at the process I thought I'd post a few things. Gives you an idea of what all is involved with welcoming a foster child in to your home.

Some things to keep in mind and consider when you get that call about a possible placement.

Physical health: medications, allergies, doctor's name and location, general health needs
Emotional health: any diagnosis, behavior issues, therapist or counselors involved
Developmental issues: advances or delays, s.ex.ual development (level of activity, knowledge of safety), effective discipline strategies
Education: In attendance, grades, education plan
Abuse/neglect and placement history: nature of abuse, status of perpetrator, when and where it occurred, how they are dealing with what has happened, prior placements
Daily life/cultural issues: activities and hobbies, favorite foods, schedule, bedtime & daily routines, need for clothing (sizes) or specific items, linguistic needs, religion, special hair or skin care.
Parental/sibling situation: What family members are involved with the child, visiting plan and schedule, how much is family cooperating, child's reaction to separation from parents and family
Legal status/permanent plan: Type of custody, child's permanent plan, next court date, child's attorney, special legal problems.

Of course there is NO way you're going to get all of that in a quick phone call on a foster placement. You are more likely to if it's an adoptive placement. Dave and I plan to sit down and make a list of what we feel is most important that we know right away so that whomever gets the call can cover those questions and then we can make our decision.

What information other foster mom's have received and what you think is the most important?
How much time have you had to accept or decline a foster or adoptive placement?

And of course you also never know what is going to be accurate. I've heard friends say they got a call for a 2 year old boy and a 3 year old girl shows up. You've got to be flexible in foster care.

Foster/Adopt Forums

2011-08-11T20:40:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to share the two forums I frequent. I have learned so much from the parents on these forums.
Foster Care and Adoption Community
Foster Care & Adoption on adoption.com - This one has support by state which has been incredibly helpful to me.

Take Me Away?

2011-08-08T20:45:00.000-07:00

Well Tangled is being put away for awhile. I've always been a bit uneasy while watching the mean lady steal Rapunzel and then the 'Mother Knows Best' song always bothered me, but I love the movie and Isabel loves the movie. My favorite part is the lanterns going up. I still remember Isabel seeing that in the theaters the first time. Just amazing.

But the past couple months Isabel has understood more of the movie (of everything really). It started with the end when she finds her parents, the kind and queen. I tried to explain that they were her parents, that the mean lady took her away from them. Then she started talking about the mean lady taking the baby away and how wrong that was and that then lead to the song where she would say that she is not nice and not her mommy.

We watched it yesterday. Tonight as I tucked her in bed she told me she was scared.
Mom: "You're scared? Of what?"
Isabel: "sharks" (Little Mermaid made her scared of sharks and they live in the shadows of her room)
Mom: "Do you want me to pray?" (nods head) "God please come and take every one of the sharks out of Isabel's room, out of the shadows and take them away to the ocean." (hasn't backfired yet when we go to the ocean)
Isabel: (I could see the fear come up in her eyes) "Take me away?"
Mom: "No one is going to take you away. Are you afraid someone is going to take you away like Rapunzel?" (Yes, I fed that but I was pretty sure that's what she was thinking, she's clever) She nods her head yes. And all I could do was hold on tight to her hand as I crawled over her to lie next to her and surround her with my love and the security that no one is going to take her away. With my own heart breaking that she feels this way I just kept telling her that no one is ever going to take Isabel from mommy and daddy.

So for now we'll put the movie away. I could be reading too much in to it but when it comes to her fears I'm okay with that. Since turning 2 she has had lots of fears of shadows mainly. For the longest time when we would ask what she was afraid of all she could tell us was 'wall.' What 2 year old is afraid of the wall? Tried everything from rearranging her room to putting stuffed animals all around her. We have learned to know if it's just an attention getting fear or a real fear. Seeing fear in my 3 year olds eyes is not something I like seeing.

And of course it does make us think of what is to come. As I shared this with Dave I told him that no matter what she will be present when/if a child is removed from our home. She's always been sensitive when people leave without saying goodbye. No idea why but I remember moments when someone left without saying goodbye and she cried for minutes. But if that person popped their head back in and said goodbye to Isabel she was fine. Funny since she's such a shy girl that doesn't even acknowledge people are there often.
So when it comes to one of her foster brothers or sisters she will be there to say goodbye. It's the healthiest way to handle it. And we'll be reaffirming her place in our home anytime it happens.

Any good book suggestions for helping to reaffirm her place in our family when a foster child is reunited? I read Maybe Days but it's way over her head right now I think.

What Gear?

2011-08-07T06:27:00.000-07:00

We're finally getting much closer to being a licensed foster/adoptive home so I'm starting to wonder what gear we should have available. Because we're open to risk there is a good chance that we could have an immediate placement so we'd need to be prepared.

We have car seats and beds for 2 additional kids between the age of 0 & 5.
We have a booster seat/high chair but I'm thinking we should get a high chair to free up a chair.

We have some clothes in each size, Isabel's old clothes and some hand me down boy stuff that friends have given us.

What would be a must have? I'm wondering if I should get at least a few bottles and all that gear. Maybe a pack of diapers at least in the small sizes.

Children

2011-08-04T21:43:00.000-07:00

Foster children did not ask to be foster children.

They did not ask to be abandoned by their parents.
They did not ask to be born to drug addicted parents who don't know how to be a parent.
They didn't ask to be abused and neglected from the time they were born until the state intervened and got them out of the home.
They didn't ask to be abused and neglected in state certified foster homes that slipped through the cracks.
They didn't ask to be taken from the only parent(s) they know.
They didn't ask to be so hurt that they don't know how to love.
They didn't ask to be s.ex.ually or physically abused and taught that was the only way to show or receive love.
They didn't ask to be starved to the point that they steal and horde things.
They didn't ask to be rejected over and over again by family when they were asked to care for the child.

They are children. Just children, like the children that sit at the dinner table with you every day.

CHILDREN!
They just need parents who have room in their hearts and homes to care for them to teach them what love is. Teach them what parents and family are supposed to be.

2011-08-04T05:51:00.000-07:00

It would appear I'm neglecting my blog these days. This is not my intent I've just been busier then usual since returning home from our TX trip. And now I'm in final clean and purge mode in the house before welcoming another child into our home so that's keeping me off the computer even more. Which is nice but I don't like neglecting blog land.

So because I have nothing better to say right now I'll tell you about what's going on with us. We are once again headed to Disney thanks to a friend's generous gift. Dave's parents are coming along with us this time which is going to be a blast. We've decided that Grandma, Isabel and I will be doing a character breakfast. It's way too expensive for all of us to go but I think us girls will have a great time. And if we're going to pay that much we're going to the one I want to which is Ariel's Grotto where the Princesses will be of course. So I might just have her wear a princess dress to breakfast.

That brings us to September when I'm sure we'll have home study appointment #1 and hoping #2 can quickly follow it to get all done finally. And then the end of Sept we're headed to WA state to visit some friends of Dave who generously gifted us with airline miles to fly and see them. We've never been to that area so we're excited. And she scored a fantastic dinner cruise for only $5 a person while we are there. We're going to have a great last vacation as a family of 3.

Then after that I hope we'll be licensed and our whole world will change. That puts us in to October so we'll have pumpkin patch trips and nicer weather to get back to the parks occasionally.

The apples and raspberries will be ready to be picked soon so we'll be escaping to the mountains real soon to enjoy that. Any recipes for fresh fruit please leave them in the comments. It's beautiful and cool up in the mountains so we like going often I'm sure. The orchards we like are only an hour away.

That's about as far in to the future I'm looking right now. The thought of Christmas this year excites me though. The possibility of having more then one pair of feet running down the hall in Christmas pjs is kind of nice to think about.

Pictures... since I don't post enough of those lately.

Jellybean (the dog) loved the slide and kept trying to go back up.


Cheese!!!

We had rain this weekend and all the humidity that comes with is. Need to remember to put the small umbrella in the car before it rains again. I've got time.

Getting ready to play in the pool at a friends house.

Cousins

2011-07-29T07:00:00.000-07:00

While in TX we got all the kids on my side of the family together for some pictures. As you can imagine 7 kids from 2-12 was a bit of a challenge. But we got a couple cute ones.

Generations: My brother and his 3 girls, my sister and her girl and two boys and me and Isabel.

And finally a kind of smile from Isabel.

11 Days

2011-07-28T17:34:00.000-07:00

When I went to the mail box today this is the last thing I was expecting to receive.

That would be our final piece of paperwork before being able to continue with our process to become licensed foster/adoptive parents. Wow! It only too 11 days for them to process it this time around. I was expecting a wait so this was really a surprise. And of course it came right when we have some upcoming plans. Talked with our social worker already and she said that she'll be leaving for vacation soon and won't be back until the end of August so we won't have our home study interview until at the earliest September. We have two weekend trips that might slow that up just a bit but we're almost done! We started this process on Sept 2, 2010 and now a year later we are almost there.

We will have one long home study visit and then a follow up shorter one and then our home study is submitted and approved and we're licensed. It's been a long journey one we thought would never end at some times but we're here and God has been by our side the entire time taking care of each step in His time.

Backyard Project

2011-07-28T09:47:00.000-07:00

I can't believe July is almost over. This month we were finally able to do some things we'd been waiting on with the arrival of our tax refund. Like order this for the backyard.

It arrived on Tuesday and we started putting it together right away and quickly learned that a metal swing set might not have been the best idea. It's too hot to touch. So we work on it in the morning and in the late evening. It's a challenge to put together as well and I'm pretty handy with this stuff. But it's all going to be worth it. Isabel is thrilled to have a swing set in our backyard. She can't wait to have her friends over to play with her.
We got the air glider on last night and let her give it a try. Hopefully we'll get the rest on in the next couple of days. We're really trying to make the back yard a fun place to play. We got a small pool which we'll likely have to replace next year. The sun is brutal on things here. And I got this basketball hoop at a consignment shop. For now it's with the pool which is fun. We've still got some things to do but we're getting there. Once we get everything together and the summer heat passes we'll try to grow some grass again.

To close this really boring post I'll share my new favorite picture of Isabel.

My Sweet Girl

2011-07-25T19:29:00.000-07:00

Dear Isabel,

You touch your mommy's heart everyday with your sweet spirit. You loved staying with your cousins while we were in TX and you miss them all so much. This new experience for you though has made you really start to ask for your brother and sister even more I think. Like every day multiple times a day. I was good when you would just ask me where they were. I tell you that daddy and mommy are praying for God to help us find them just like He helped us find you. That satisfied you for a time.

This week you got a little embarrassed when you decided you wanted to pray for them so you ran down the hall to pray and I of course followed you to listen; "Jesus help my brothers and sisters. Amen!" And that's about when your questions changed I think.

We were in the car yesterday and you asked me what your brother and sister were doing. I was grateful we were in the car so you didn't see how emotional I got so quickly thinking about what they could be doing in that moment. But I thank God I was quick to be able to answer how I believe is the right way for you sweet girl. I told you that maybe they were praying to God to find mommy and daddy and a sister like Isabel. That didn't satisfy you though in that moment. You kept asking so I turned the question on you and you told me that your sister was in bed eating her cereal. You can't wait to hold her in your lap and give her a bottle.

You've asked me what they are doing a few more times and I'll continue telling you the same thing, that they are praying that they find us. One day we will meet them and you'll be able to give them great big hugs and tell them how much you prayed for them.

I love you Isabel, you are going to be the best sister to every child that comes to our family.

Still Waiting - The Long Way

2011-07-21T12:24:00.000-07:00

It's human nature to look for shortcuts. We want the quickest, surest route to our destination. Delays, detours and dead ends are frustrating and discouraging.
Consider this: "When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them by way of the land of the Philistines, although that was nearer... God led the people by the roundabout way of the wilderness toward the Red Sea" (Exodus 13:17-18). The Red Sea looked like a fatal wrong turn, but God was protecting the Israelites. He had a plan in place to lead them to the promised land.
When God seems to prefer delays and detours in your life, keep in mind that the long way just might be better.

Read this just now and I know it's what I was meant to read as I started the day feeling down about still waiting.